Really struggling finding it hard.

[Letsgetout]

Evening all I want to tell you all my sti tuition.
I left my partner (date removed by moderator). He was
Calling my son a lyer over and over blaming him for a mark in the house. My son was crying and shouting it was not me. My partner was saying to me your son is a lyer and telling me to back him up. I said I cannot so I got my kids and ran out the house. Since then we are in contact by the phone. I have been to see him.
I’m living at my parents but it all feels odd and as we are chatting and calling but I’m here in my parents house and he is in our house.
I soften badly miss him and want him but my kids really don’t like him. I want to go back. Please god help me.
Thank you all.

[Letsgetout]

Also I’m finding it hard if he was to meet someone else or worse even sleep with someone else. Please help. I don’t know why I worry when he is so horrible to me.

[KIP.]

Hi, please ring the helpline number on her and chat to the women women’s aid. You are trapped in the FOG of abuse. The Fear Obligation and Guilt that abusers use. Abusers are liars and manipulators and they play game with our heads. There is a good book called ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven. It tells you all about they dynamics of abuse. The tactics abuser use including trying to make us jealous. They hate when they don’t get all the attention and they cannot stand us having happy healthy relationships, even with our own children. If it’s your house he is living in then perhaps it’s time to get him removed. If he’s abusing your children and you do not protect them, you’re putting your children at risk. I’m assuming he has done other abusive things in the past? Abuse always gets worse. Any contact with him will leave you feeling confused. They minimise their behaviour which throws us into a state of total confusion.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Letsgetout, I wish I’d listened to my children, they had the measure of my other half, ALWAYS listen to children and dogs and cats.
I’ve reported your post because there is a lot of identifying information in it, just in case someone who knows your situation, that’s all.💜
You’re missing the nice him, not the one who hurts you all, shouts at yous.
Are we your first port of call, well done in reaching out, it’s not easy, it takes ages to pluck up the courage to even do this. 💜
Keep posting and keep reading others, you’ll get so much support here.

IWMB 💕👏

[Lisa]

Hi Letsgetout,

Thank you for your post. You have been so brave and come so far. I just wanted to show you some support. Please do try the helpline at a time that is safe for you to talk. They can offer you some advice and guidance. It is understandable that you are struggling but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t done the right thing. Ending any relationship is hard and one with abuse is even more challenging and upsetting. Having contact with him will confuse you so if you can do so and you don’t feel it would increase his risk to you then try not to have any contact with him and not see him. You could tell him that you would like a bit of space and ask him to respect your wishes and to leave you alone. In that time try to find out your options from your local Women’s Aid group.

If your children do not like him, that is important and particular if he is unkind or abusive to them. His behaviour is not your fault but you can change the situation and your children’s happiness by deciding that this relationship is not in yours or your children’s best interests and your local Women’s Aid group and the helpline can help you to change your situation in a safe way.

welcome to the forum. I hope you find it a safe and supportive place to be. I just wanted to reassure you that when Iwaantmeback states that she has reported your post she only means to me, the forum moderator to edit your post. I have already done so just to make sure that you are as safe as possible here on the forum.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[lover of no contact]

Hi Letsgetout,

Hi and welcome,

It is so brilliant you put your son and other children first. You and your children are the most important people in this situation. Not him. Its great you posted for help to stay away from him as I remember having those feelings where I wanted him despite him treating me horribly. But I forced myself not to act on those feelings. And they did pass and now nothing could make me get back into a relationship with him. So keep posting and reading the posts on here, reach out to Women’s Aid for the practicalities of getting him out of your life. Ignore your feelings of wanting him back. Listen to your head not your heart.

I wish I’d done what you did and left him when my children were small, my children would have been saved during their teenage years of witnessing and being on the receiving end of horrible fear-inducing and lowering of their self-esteem behaviour.

[Apricotpoppy]

Hi Letsgetout,
Well done for believing in your children and putting them before him. I too like Lover of no contact wish I could have left earlier instead of giving him second chances. By the time I got out I lost a lot, lost my home and my health is damaged. But we are free from the horrible cycle of abuse and I am healing and rebuilding myself and my little family.
It is really hard but please keep away from him, think of him when he is at his nastiest he will get worse and the good times will get less. Talk to WA.
Best wishes x

[Author]

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