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    • #137861
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      I’ve been out not too far off (detail removed by moderator) and while I have absolutely no regrets about leaving (and wish I’d been able to do it sooner), I feel like I’m just doing my best to get by, still avoiding taking risks, still waiting to feel like a fully independent adult. I realise it takes time to undo all the damage the abuse causes. I’m living with my parents, which has its benefits but they’re not the easiest to live with and it’s very much their house. I imagined that I’d have a safe place to get myself together in my own time and it did feel like that to start with. But I think living here is shining a light on the dysfunction in our relationship and I’m finding it hard to accept that they can’t give me the emotional support I want. I’d really love to hear what helped other people find themselves after leaving and how long it took. xxxx

    • #137884
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi my lovely,

      You have been such an amazing voice of reason and so supportive for me. Thank you. xx

      It does take time. How much time is very individual but living with your parents will slow your progress if your relationship with them is dysfunctional or if the relationship between themselves is dysfunctional.

      I’m beginning to see recovery as a lifelong process. “Hello, my name is Eggshells and I’m a survivor. I’ve been clean of abuse for ….. years and I’m making progress.”

      Slowly but surely we do get there. Having a place of your own helps. Step by small step, I honestly believe we will all get there. It just takes time.

      Keep feeling your way through. xx

    • #137913
      cakepops
      Participant

      Honestly I think the longer I have been out of my abusive relationship (several years) the more I realise how badly I was, and still am, affected by it. If you are able to make a clean break that’s a lot easier than if you are unable to do so e.g. having children together.

      In terms of emotional support, I would try and look at it as a bigger picture thing. Films, music, social media etc all portray an idea that a few individual people are able to provide all the emotional support you need – a partner or parents. In reality I find that the needs I have after a long abusive relationship aren’t met by any one person. My women’s aid worker has been helpful for helping me realise how common everything I have experienced and feel is. My Mum has been good at practical support (less so the emotional side, although she’s getting better slowly). I have had CBT which has helped me reframe my own thoughts and worries. A couple of close friends are good at listening when there are issues with my children and my ex. But at times it still doesn’t feel ‘enough’. I don’t want a new partner as I know I’m too vulnerable still, but I miss the physical comfort side of being hugged.

      Could you seek more support from other people too? Maybe counselling or CBT or a women’s aid worker if you don’t alreayd have one?

    • #138035
      ifiwasaspoon
      Participant

      Hi there,
      I’m a few years out and have ptsd, I felt very numb for a long time afterwards I did exactly what my body told me to do I was kind to myself, I slept when I wanted I ate what I wanted I watched what I wanted on tv and I thought about all the things I wasn’t allowed to do, then when I had the energy I started to do those things I could never do, I visited friends I’d been cut off from i reconnected with family, I changed my hair, I started to be me again in time you’ll find a way to recover and it’s different for all of us it takes as long as it takes
      Try and find time for yourself and love yourself because you are worth it!
      Good luck in your recovery x

    • #138339
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Hey lovely, this made me think.
      I am also living with my parents, which has gotten so much easier with time. I have made my bedroom my little haven. Which I now love. I have put all my favorite colours and my fav records are there ready to play at all times. I have a plan on my end goal of getting my own place which i focus on and am really positive about, even though it will take a long time to get there. I think hobbies really are the best, I got into records, I got a 2nd hand old record player, I am knitting, I am doing lots of walking and cycling in the country. That time in nature is extremely needed, it saves me, puts me back in the right place, makes me feel sane. No people, no noise, just nature, listen to the sounds, feel bark, immerse yourself and feel at peace.
      I have been thinking about the relationships I have with others. Before my ex, I was always very self sufficient, and knew I had to get through life on my own. I don’t need anyone really. All i need is right here. And I am back to that place again.
      There is only so much others can do for you.
      My parents do not give emotional support much, but more practical support. My sister is more emotionally supportive(though I still have not told anyone about my experiences yet -apart from therapy, I am doing IESO now, I did therapy with my local DA and i am also on the waiting list with MindMatters)
      But what I mean to say is, I feel like I have learnt to know, what support I will get from some people, and what support I will not get. Whatever support i get is a bonus, but not essential.
      I like the idea of self soothing and speaking to yourself like you would a child. I reassure myself and calm myself down, I am now the adult who looks after my inner child.
      x*x

    • #138647
      Angeltakemehome
      Participant

      I regret not leaving sooner, before he messed with my mind. You say you live at your parent’s house, I assume you didn’t have any children?

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