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I left my ex (detail removed by Moderator) ago now after being in over a (detail removed by Moderator) year relationship. He was controlling and emotionally abusive. It took my teenage daughter to make me realise that I shouldn’t be living the life I was.
I am now living in a new home, in a new town and I am much happier in life, I’m even in a new relationship which is long distance and going very slowly which is allowing me to build my independence.
This last week, I’ve started having dreams every night that I’m living with my ex. Sometimes the dreams refer to situations that happened when I lived with him, another was my daughters were toddlers and I dreamt he was making us leave the house for ever but I had to leave the youngest child behind (this never happened) and today’s he was lying next to me in bed where I live now. Each dream I’ve woke feeling frightened until I realise I’m in my own bed, on my own and I’m safe.
Has anyone else had dreams of being with their ex well after (detail removed by Moderator) of leaving them? I thought I was over him but its like he’s back in my life trying to make me miserable again.
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do you think its possible (even if you are not aware of it) that something might be triggering you in your new relationship (even if your new partner isnt doing anything wrong at all). this might help explain it
i have complex-ptsd so i had nightmares regularly until i started working with my trauma counseller – do you feel the previous abuse affected you quite severely & if so did you ever receive any support/counselling to help with this. its just if we dont deal with things properly that have caused us a lot of pain we can only bury it all for so long until it lets us know one way or another that it needs to be addressed x
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Thank you both, makes me feel better that this has happened to others. I did wonder if it was new relationship triggering. The only concern I have with it is when we first met he was living with friends in a new county but (detail removed by Moderator) months ago he moved back to (detail removed by Moderator) where his (detail removed by Moderator) live. Since then, because he doesn’t want his (detail removed by Moderator) knowing, I haven’t seem him and phone calls are very few because he can only make them when alone, I can’t call him. Is this a type of control? I am finding it hard that he’s not found the time to visit me. I’m a (detail removed by Moderator) drive away. He’s tried to a few times but family situations has stopped him. His (detail removed by Moderator) is having mental health problems.
We message a few times daily but I am finding it hard not seeing him and not being able to do anything about it.
I wonder how much longer I’ll have these dreams for, they are upsetting.
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Sorry, I’ve had the freedom project counciling and I’m waiting to speak to a therapist through talk therapy as I still have days that I get really low and just cry for hours and can’t be around my girls. These are times I feel really lonely and was hoping to get relief from this from my new relationship but sadly not.
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Sadly my abuser features sometimes in my dreams too.
A recent trigger for me has been to do with the fuss in the news about protecting single sex spaces. My abuser appears in my dreams in various forms, even where I’m volunteering, pretending to be supportive.
It’s amazing that you have a new home in a new town. I’ve also relocated. I’ve found support groups where I’ve made some friends but sadly some of my neighbours have been abusive so I try to avoid them. And I’ve had a couple of nasty experiences at work with shouty bosses. I really don’t need the drama after what I’ve been through.
I guess that we should proceed with caution in new relationships and look after ourselves and our boundaries.
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