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This is my first post.
I’m in the bath, in a safe place at last. I’m spending the whole day by myself, something that I was terrified to when I first escaped.
I’ve been in this bath for about an hour and have absolutely no intention of moving for a while. I don’t have to you see, because no-one is going to scream at me to get the f**k out; noone is going to try and kick the door down; noone is going to pull the plug out or throw anything in the water.
Chrismas music has just come on my playlist. It’s July but I’m not getting out of the warm bubbles to turn it off. I don’t have to.
Noone is going to come in and call be a f**king stupid idiot for the music I’m listening to or call me c**t for not turning it off, for not doing as I’m told. I’ve escaped and I’m safe.
For those of you who are still in the middle of it, I won’t pretend it hasn’t been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do to get to this point; I have never felt pain like it. It took me (detail removed by Moderator) and two attempts to get to this pint now, in this bath, in this safe place but a few months ago I escaped. I’m free. I’m safe.
‘Merry Christmas everyone’ 🙂
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I love this post! Its the little things we notice. Things other people take for granted. I had the same feeling yesterday watching Wimbledon. Not having to turn the tv off when i heard his car because i was ‘polishing the couch with my arse’. Lazy. Watching c**p. Tennis was gay? W*f. Enjoy enjoy enjoy x
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Thank you Kip 😊 It really is the tiny little things isn’t it?
I took myself out to lunch after I emerged from my bath. I cried with happiness and pride at my achievement at sitting there in the sunshine by myself. And you know what, I am not a c**t. I am actually a really lovely person to spend the day with 😍 -
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hahaha ladies…love it!
And on top of all our lovely qualities we have a sense of fun and a sense of humour. We can giggle, we can laugh and we can smile to ourselves and with others. Bet we all have beautiful smiles, which will reappear when we kick our abusers out of our lives.
Our abusers lack so much. All they have is anger, fury and jealousy. They only laugh they are capable of is laughing AT others or pretend laugh/humour/smile during love-bombing and ‘nice/manipulative’ phase of cycle of abuse.
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Hey Emmlogan
What a post 😀 you’ve just made me look at myself currently having a lie in with a cup of tea. Its 10.26 am. I’m getting up in a bit. At the time I want to.
My son’s still lying in his bed talking to his friends on his phone. Making plans for the day and there’s no one shouting at us. Telling us to move, tidy up, make breakfast etc.
It’s great.
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Absolutely love this post.
My ex knew I loved baths and used used to look daggers at me if I was having a soak and enjoying it.
Now, I fully enjoy bath time. I add essential oils, chuck all manner of loofah and wot it in the water and have a marvellous time.
So different from the days when I used to be lying in the bath anxious that I was taking too long, using up too much money to heat the water ( how dare I think I deserved a hot bath? In fact, I normally used my son’s bath water for fear of upsetting my ex).
Someone putting on the water for a bath would be enough to send him into a spin. He’d puff up like a puffer fish, as if he was going to explode. How dare we minions behave like we deserved to relax and pamper ourselves? Never mind if we’d been out at work for 12 hours, or the kids were freezing and middy after playing a football match in the rain.
Before I met him, I would love a long soak. I once read a whole book in the bath in one ‘sitting.’ By the time I got to the last page, the bath water was stone cold. I’d been too consumed by the book to notice. Granted, it wasn’t a massive book, but it was very gripping. The point is, I had the freedom to do that. And now I have the freedom to do it again.
🛀📖☕️
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Awesome post Emmlogan, Merry Christmas to you too! 😀
I had a similar moment today, when I went for a walk. When I was with my ex we went on the same walk, and as I finished my drink I caught him looking at me with amusement, irritation and disgust. I asked him what was funny and he said something along the lines of me gulping down my drink. He had also been making jokes about the portion of dinner I ate that weekend and how he found it funny because I ‘normally didn’t eat that much.’ The message was clear – ‘you’re getting greedy, don’t eat much, I don’t want you getting fat’ when I had lost weight due to anxiety and was a size 8-10.
Isn’t it wonderful to be free of this idiots. It takes time for their nasty messages to leave our heads. Today on the same route, I stood in the exact same spot, and said to myself ‘you’re worthy, you’re a good person, you can eat and drink whatever and however much you like, you deserve a life free of abuse’ and it was like a lovely little ceremony 🙂
I think you should continue your christmas theme this weekend and treat yourself to some nice chocolate and a hot chocolate with marshmallows!
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gosh can so relate to this , me and the boys are like this , we have endless long baths now knowing no one will moan at us, we listen to music loudly , cook and eat as we want and in return we respect each another so much in sense if someone has headache we will put earphones in but still listen to music, we share our chargers, respect each another privacy and on phone endless if we want to be, love how we can all sit in room together, talk , dont talk it doesnt matter, the peace is just there and we can do what ever we want without getting shouted at. I remember the first time i left ex and the rice got slightly stuck to pan, he would of thrown the pan accross the room, and ripped the house apart and me , but feels so nice to just think whoops and carry on calmly….
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