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Hi, I’m struggling abit recently with how I feel.
So my abusive ex is related to my relatives boyfriend and recently shes added him on social media and started being friendly with him and she’s told me she’s forgiven him for what hes done to me and my child. I am not okay with this, I tried telling her that I’m not and we had a big argument and we’ve stopped talking. She said some extremely hurtful things, that I need to move on/get over it and victim blamed me and I don’t know how to move forward from it.
I don’t want to be associated with my ex at all, he scares me and my priority is keeping myself and my child safe and I don’t want my relative giving him information about me or my child which I’m sure they will do? I just don’t know what to do.
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Sadly some people will never understand that there is no middle ground when it comes to abuse. I had to cut anyone out my life who had anything to do with my ex because it was too dangerous. I came off all social media too. Told all friends and family that I did not want to hear anything about him. It’s all very raw in the beginning but you won’t always feel this way. You asked and explained and she won’t support you so sadly I’d cut all contact there too. Your priority is you and your child. Build a new support network around you x
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@KIP Thankyou so much for the advice, I hope you’re doing well now? I agree I’m not risking our safety for anyone. I just want to move forward in my life and not be scared/worried everyday and her being friendly with him just sets me back to feeling that way x
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Yes, I know how it’s sets you back, it caused real worry and panic for me and it’s so very typical of abusers to do this. To try and recruit flying monkeys or people close to you. They want to be seen to be friends with your friends and family because they think it will discredit you so when the real truth of his abuse comes to light he thinks they won’t believe you and you can bet he’s lying and bad mouthing you to them but they will find out in their own time how he really is a nasty controlling human being. They are pathetic insecure little men. It’s not upto her to forgive him for what he’s done to you. How arrogant of her. Hold you head high and walk away from this kind of person. Set your boundaries and you will feel stronger and empowered for doing so.
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Hi Goldenrainbow
This is the last thing you need. No wonder you’re not sure how to feel.
This relative has made her views clear and there’s nothing to gain from arguing with her. You’ve stated your case so leave it there. Sadly, some people are just thoughtless and nasty. She’s probably always been this way. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to maintain a meaningful relationship with her.
It’s outrageous for her to say she’s ‘forgiven’ your ex. It’s not in her power to forgive. She’s simply decided to take his side over yours.
The only thing you can do is cut all contact. This means taking yourself off social media. It would be a good idea to do this anyway. There are other ways to keep in touch with ‘safe’ people.
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