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    • #130593
      Sunshines
      Participant

      Why are these men so relentless in their pursuit to destroy ?
      It’s like every day is a battle and they bring nothing but a massive hoover to suck every last bit of energy out of you.

      So I’ve ended the relationship waiting for an injunction but even that is taking ages plus getting some help from someone who I can speak to.

      I’m so fed up of having to deal with this person constant ways of contact I’ve changed every single thing I can the only thing I’m left to do is have to relocate or go to a refuge

      Which I can’t because it’s far too complicated
      Again today more battles

      It’s like these men never ever surrender or give up. Is because they need a feed or a fix ?

      I’ve got ptsd
      I wake up sweating and having nightmares

      Flashbacks
      Even back when I was with him I’d wake up multiple times a night thinking how the hell do I get out of this one.
      Does anyone else think or do the same.

      Plus I’m constantly breaking out in cold sores I’m
      Thinking that’s my nervous system
      I take two steps forward then he pursues and pursues contact and I take two steps ba k mentally after dealing with him

      I’m
      Hoping he will eventually get fed up

    • #130594
      Mrsbluesky99
      Participant

      I literally could of wrote this myself even the waking up in the night with said person and thinking how the hell am I going to get out of this. I did leave it hasn’t been plain sailing but getting there .. Not much advice to give really just wanted to say your not alone. All the best.

    • #130596
      Put the kettle on
      Participant

      Hi sunshines,
      Well done on ending the relationship, that’s a really hard thing to do.
      I often wonder when it’ll end, when will he stop. It does feel relentless and like they want to destroy us, it’s awful. I personally feel so many people don’t understand what we experience so find this forum a help.
      I too have the nightmares, sweating and flashbacks. It improves when there’s no contact but we have a child together do I’m unable to go full no contact.
      Do you speak to your GP about things or domestic abuse organisation? They might be able to offer support.
      It could well be your nervous system causing the cold sores, for me it affects my weight, I’ve lost weight with it and people have noticed/commented.
      Self care is very important and being kind to yourself, you’ve been through so much in an abusive relationship so now’s the time to really focus on you. There’s a nice post on here named what helped on your healing journey, that might have some useful ideas for you.
      Keep reaching out, keep looking after yourself and seriously well done for getting away from such a person. Surround yourself with supportive people

      • #130725
        Sunshines
        Participant

        He’s back to being nice again now. Another wave to ride I suppose.
        I phoned a domestic abuse service local and I’m waiting for some help hopefully this week. I need a person to talk to because my mum is fed up of the entire lot of it. I’ve put weight on.
        I used to be so bothered about my appearance now I do not care. I’ve put weight on my diet is just convenient.
        It’s bazaar when they be nice again although you know it’s another part of the cycle. They do definitely destroy parts of us. I’m
        Not who I was I’ve lost myself I don’t even listen to the same music I once loved.
        You don’t understand DV unless you’ve been through it. It’s so complicated. I’m on medication but I’m still having nightmares. Hoping they will stop at some point. Thank you for your reply x*x

    • #130603
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      Hi Sunshines, I can relate.
      I left quite recently, the nights are the worst, I wake up alot from bad dreams. I have been using Audible and will just carry on with listening to (detail removed by moderator), they are very comforting right now. Takes your mind right off the situation.
      Contact is the worst. It really sets you back i’m finding. I ended up switching my phone off for as long as possible. Keep it on flight mode, or flight mode with just wifi enabled.
      But since not having contact, I can really notice how it really makes a difference.

    • #130726
      Sunshines
      Participant

      I would prefer no contact at all but we have a baby. Which makes life hard when it comes to contact I don’t get along with this persons family either so I can’t even speak to them.

      Why does the world think they are this big lovely person to ?

      That’s my other question
      To the world they are so charming and nice
      To me none of this.

      Thank you for reply
      So good to talk to people who get it x*x

    • #130736
      Put the kettle on
      Participant

      Hi, firstly try not to worry about your weight, you are perfectly you and I’m sure many on here have fluctuations in weight, It’s all normal. My ex loved takeaways and that type of food so when we separated I could eat what I wanted, which wasn’t the same type of foods! Took me a while to remember what I did like though as I was so used to doing what he wanted.
      Once you know about the cycle of abuse it’s very strange when they’re nice to you. Stay strong and remember it’s all a hoovering tactic, they will revert back to their abusive ways.
      it’s hard when you can’t go fully no contact, it sets me back. I have no advice for this as it’s something I’m currently experiencing and trying to work through.
      Abusers are master manipulators so they pretend to the world they’re this great person and that the fault is us and we’re unstable or unpredictable. We’re not, they gaslight us, manipulate, lie, and do what they can to look like this great person. The mask will slip though, some will see the abusive person we saw others will turn a blind eye. We know our truth, we know what happened to us and what we experienced.
      Try to focus on you and your baby and what a great mum you are to get you both out of that abusive situation.

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