remembering

[kitty]

Applying for divorce, and finding out he was stalking me online is getting too much for me today. I’ve been depressed since I found his fake social media account (feeling violated like I did when he forced himself on me) and even though I love my new partner, I feel like running away. I have shut him out, and I know I’m doing it……but I can’t seem to stop! I have issues over the house I own with my ex, issues over our joint account, which I’m starting to sort out as I thought I was strong enough, but I think I was wrong. I’ve had nightmares, and I am jumpy all of the time. I seem to be combining the memories of HIM with the life I have now and my lovely fiancé is the one who is getting hurt by it. I’ve been all over the place mentally. I’ve felt suicidal. Why am I reacting to my fiancé as if he is the abuser? He has done nothing to deserve this……..maybe he is better off if I leave? Maybe I push good men to the limit until they become abusive? I’ve been horrible to live with lately and I’m starting to think maybe I am a difficult person to be around. This all started when I found out my ex was going back to court for yet more sex offences…….. What is wrong with me?

[Ayanna]

You may have PTSD. That is hard to come by. Do you have therapy?

[kitty]

No I don’t but I did have an assessment of sorts last year. It didn’t diagnose anything.

[Ayanna]

They did not do it thoroughly enough. Get another assessment. Abuse causes a lot of damage and it takes long to function normally again.

[Author]

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