- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by Escapee.
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26th January 2020 at 5:18 pm #96512AnonymousInactive
Sometimes I need reminding that he’s an abusive low life and the love I feel is for a man who never existed.
I could do with that now 🙁
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26th January 2020 at 7:22 pm #96532CamelParticipant
He’s an abusive low life. He wasn’t authentic and what you think you felt wasn’t love.
Any help?
x
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26th January 2020 at 7:35 pm #96533diymum@1Participant
This man was always like this no matter who he ended up with this would have been the outcome xx you deserve better and there are better men out there xx
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26th January 2020 at 7:58 pm #96537EscapeeParticipant
Landy, remember how awful he made you feel? The lying, the financial hell hole, how you had to carry on at work as though your life wasn’t falling about…..he did that to you my darling. That isn’t how someone who loves you behaves, that’s a selfish, self absorbed abuser and you deserve so much more. You deserve to be happy, laugh and look forward to coming home. Big hugs to you xx
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26th January 2020 at 8:04 pm #96539EscapeeParticipant
Do you know, I think there must be something in the air! I’ve been really struggling too. I so want to believe my husband can conquer his behaviour, I’ve gone backwards, my anxiety is back, I’m crying again and struggling with really negative thoughts. F*** these b****y men!
Sending love and empathy to you all xx
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26th January 2020 at 9:44 pm #96550CamelParticipant
Hi Escapee
I just read your reply on another thread so I understand you’re feeling unsupported and alone. You’re not alone while you’re posting on here.
Recovery isn’t a linear process as you must be aware. There’s no formula for feeling better.
My dad died 5 years ago and most days I’m fine, able to remember him with humour and a smile. Sometimes I’ll cry. But feeling sad and weeping his loss doesn’t magic him back to life.
Just a thought…would you perhaps agree that death is an absolute, as is your husband’s character? Please don’t cry and get anxious over something you cannot control. x
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26th January 2020 at 11:10 pm #96554CecileParticipant
You can learn to change how you see yourself, you can learn to like yourself and put yourself first. Remember the cognitive dissonance that goes with this abuse. We are trained to want love from the abuser by the nature of the abuse, the mechanics of how it occurs. Perhaps the love you feel is an ideal rather than a reality, a trained response. others have written about the addiction you can feel with DV and coercive control.I myself still need reminding of the s**t things he did, even as it’s nearly over. I have pages of stuff I have written just after he has behaved badly to me, in the recent past. The thing is, I forget these things as if they never happened. That is how I survived, how my mind coped with the terrible terrible man.I try and remember and see it in my head and its like a light switches off in my head,I just can’t go there. I can see odd little bits of what happened but not the whole series of bad things.
When I read what I have written, I am always horrified that I put up with it, or didn’t run away.I try and imagine him doing those things to some one I love. Or I imagine myself doing them to one of my children and I just fill with horror at the idea. So then I have to tell myself that is how it was for me.We get desensitised to the violence and harm, and numbed to our own feelings and personalities. You need top love yourself first and keep practising that. you are worth it and he is not. -
27th January 2020 at 3:18 pm #96588EscapeeParticipant
Camel – thank you for noticing. And you right, there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I need to let go xx
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