Roller coaster week

[Cheesequeen]

Hi. I haven’t been here for a while as everything has been so hectic. I have now had a good couple of weeks at my Mums and have had so many highs and lows I couldn’t even describe.
I have now got my new house and fingers crossed move in date will be (detail removed by moderator).
My family and friends have been amazing I honestly couldn’t have done it without them.
I have been reading and reading and educating myself as much as possible about staying out, why he behaves as he does and how to support my children now and in the future. I feel like I’m well armoured now and I’m also attending the (detail removed by moderator) programme at the women’s centre which had been so enlightening and empowering.
I am hoping to apply for a child arrangements order but don’t qualify for legal aid, so trying to prepare as much as possible myself before I see a solicitor.
I’ve stuck to no contact as much as possible, but obviously we have finances and kids to discuss so I am having to send the odd message. This is the problem really. It’s starting to make me feel sorry for him and miss him and I’ve been sad today a lot. The anger isn’t there, it’s just been replaced by this horrible sorrow.
I miss going home and having a nice evening, of which there were less and less but after so many years, there arr a lot I remember. I miss having a hug and watching c**p on tv. I miss cooking together and laughing with the kids. I miss the laughter and all those good parts. I don’t want him to feel down or heartbroken and I know he will be. He has never been good on his own. I don’t want anyone to be in pain but there is just so much of it right now.
I also keep thinking about how long it will be, if ever, until I’m ready for another relationship. Until today I couldn’t dream of ever being with someone again. I was so determined I wouldn’t want it for such a long time. But after this sadness today I’ve realised I do want a relationship one day and I miss being a wife. I want the love and the cuddles and someone to share my life with.
Anybody any tips on dealing with the sadness? X

[she-ra]

Big hugs lovely. No advice really I’m afraid, I’m only on (detail removed by moderator) of being out so very much all over the shop. But just wanted you to know you’re not alone my lovely, I too have had moments where I think I’ve made the wrong choice and remember only the very long ago few and far between good bits. But we have to stay strong and ride the rollercoaster. I know my husband will never ever change. I also know my babies have had peace for (detail removed by moderator) and that never happens. None of them have even mentioned him, so very sad. Good luck my lovely and tomorrow is a new and hopefully stronger day for you x*x

[Cheesequeen]

Thanks so much. I’m glad you are all getting some peace. That’s what I keep reminding myself of. The kids are going from strength to strength. So much more relaxed and I’m actually looking after myself which is crazy.
We just have to keep riding the waves I suppose.
Congratulations on getting you and your family out and wishing you lots of positivity Xx

[diymum@1]

Dont go back this phase will pass – your feelings will come in waves he might play the victim to draw you back in – have a read around how they hoover you back – he will only hurt you again – if your preparing for child custody have a look at practice direction 12j its the latest document on contact and domestic abuse. im reading when dad hurts mum just now Lundy Bancroft – if you get a copy you wont go back its a startling read xx stay strong much luv diymum xx

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