Sad

[Munchkin04]

Hi,
Just need to get this out.
My partner of (detail removed by Moderator) years has a daughter who visits every (detail removed by Moderator). I love apart from my child. In the early days I struggled mentally with accepting things and became very low. I wasn’t nasty to his child I was just very low. Things have improved greatly. I had counselling. I work (detail removed by Moderator) and when I came home (detail removed by Moderator) everything was fine. We chatted I got on in the kitchen went upstairs for a bath which he told me to do. He was sat watching tv with his daughter. When I came down he kept asking if I was ok. I said yes but he was different towards me. I asked what was wrong. He said his head changes when I come home when his daughters here. I reassured him I was ok. When his daughter was gone he was back to his nice self. I asked him if we could talk. I said that when he said his head changes when I came home it upset me as I’m not sure what to do with it. His reply was he shouldn’t have opened his mouth he should have just lied and said nothing was wrong. I said I want him to be honest but it has upset me it wasn’t nice to hear and can he help me with it. He told me my tone was wrong, belittled my actions. I stayed calm and asked again if he could help me with it. He said it’s because of the way I was when I first met him being without my child. I said that disappoints me as we are (detail removed by Moderator) years down the line and I’m not sure what to do about that. He said so now he disappoints me..he started going on and on about how he feels and said he should have a solicitor present in case he says something that might upset me. He said I use the wrong words. I said I can’t talk to you and left the table. He does this everytime I try and express myself. Yet he can sit and tell me how he feels and expect understanding and acknowledgement. Yea I was low when I first met him. I’d moved away from everything I knew to be with him and it affected me. This tells me he has no understanding of how I May of felt like I’m being punished. I don’t want to re live I I felt back then and when he uses my past I get so low again. I just wanted to understand why he’d said his head changes when I come home when his daughter is here as in the present moment I’ve given him no cause to feel that way. I feel like he’s looking for a reaction. He never seems to want to hear me he’s only happy when it’s going his way. Small things set him off. He gets angry with the world. I feel so lonely in this relationship and it’s so one sided. Sorry for the long post. He’s got up this morning and gone out. I’m at a loss as I know I can’t talk to him. X

[Bananaboat]

Sorry to read this. My advice from experience is to stop trying to reason with him. Like you say it’s (detail removed by Moderator) years down the line. My partner uses his child to cause arguments, makes my children awkward around his child, even our shared child, it’s just another tool in their arsenal of abuse. Even if you were a dream step mum from day one you’d be accused of something. It’s ok to disengage and focus on yourself, allowing them alone time. Not allowing you to have any feelings or opinions in an argument is also abuse.

[Author]

Posts