Safety

[Newbeginnings1234]

Is anyone else feeling less safe at the moment? I’ve never really felt completely safe outside my flat since I left, but now that there’s nobody around I feel a lot less safe when I’m outside. I still have to go to work so I have to go out every day but there’s nobody around and I haven’t seen any police anywhere, so I’m scared that nobody would notice if anything happened to me and the police would be too busy to do anything. I’m also scared to go into work every day because I’m worried about customers getting aggressive or angry (which has been happening recently), along with obviously being worried about getting ill as some customers refuse to keep a safe distance away from me. The only positive is that at least my Husband wouldn’t have any reason to come to the area where I live if everything’s closed, but I’m worried that the only people who are out are people like him who don’t care about following rules and are more likely to be aggressive. As I’ve been typing this, I’ve just started worrying that if he knows where I live then he might be more likely to turn up at my flat because he will know that I’ll definitely be in and nobody would leave their flat to help me. I would feel better if people had actually listened when I was calling them in tears when I first left, begging them to do anything to keep me safe and stop my Husband from killing me, but nobody did so there aren’t any safety measures in place at all to protect me.

[fizzylem]

Hey NB, try to stay in the ‘hear and now’, its the worrying about the future and the what ifs that send us crazy and our anxiety into overload.

Yes, we are all aware that the virus is outside of our area of control, so to keep safe we take precautions, follow the guidance to the dot, instead of worrying about what is outside of our control – others; we focus on what we can control, ourselves, and do activities that we can control eg, the housework, a hobby, maybe limit the time we spend watching the news, anything to keep our spirits up, keep in touch with others etc.

I would take a zero tolerance at work, anyone aggressive I would say ‘I won’t help if you are aggressive’, maybe even walk away if you feel the need. If you haven’t already, I would get some support from you manager here, get this person to agree with what needs to happen, so you know this person has your back, and also if a situation looks like it’s flaring up then you know exactly what to do. I hope they are providing you with protective wear also.

Sounds like feeling out of control is stirring old feelings, I would take a bit of time to journal if this was happening to me, to help you identify which feelings are related to how you feel now, and which are from the past – try to seperate them, work out whats going on in the pot right now, each emotion and why, then you can work out which are relevant for now and which of those occuring that belong from the past. The more you notice these and can identify them the less power they hold and they will disappear eventually.

This situation is hard enough anyway, want you dont want is old haunting feelings also getting the better of you, send them back to where they belong NB, things are different now and you are not the person you were back then either xx

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thank you, I hadn’t thought about the lack of control aspect of the situation, that makes sense that it would affect me more at the moment. Thankfully most of the managers at work are really good and won’t tolerate anyone abusing staff. I haven’t been provided with any protective wear but if the NHS haven’t even got enough then people who work in shops definitely won’t be provided with any. The best the managers can do is put tape on the floor to try to keep people a safe distance away from each other, but in some situations that would be impossible. Journalling is a good idea, I’ve never tried that before but maybe it would be helpful x

[diymum@1]

i know what you mean and i dont think your alone in feeling this. i was the same i was alone walking from work to the bus stop it is actually quite near to where my ex lives. i was crossing over and my thought was omg if he drives past he will mo me down. i have dreadful memories of irratic driving and him speeding in the car with my young child so he did do that. its rational thinking and then it is not. its triggering because its very similar to what weve faced before this virus is a threat that could be anywhere its very similar to abuse. guessing where its coming from or going to be. im there with you totally i think this reaction is normal. remember tho the police will be watching the streets on camera they will be around. youe ex will probaly similar to my ex he will feel threatened and will hide. abusive men can be real hypochondriacs i know my ex will be panicing i just wonder if all of this will make him realise what he has done xx he wont know how his own daughter is but he did that xx

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thank you, it’s so difficult to work out what is rational to be worried about and what isn’t, but I think most people probably feel like that at the moment. I hadn’t thought about the virus being a threat which is similar to abuse, but it makes a lot of sense. I think it’s a similar feeling of not knowing whether I’ll get it or not and if I do, I don’t know how bad it will be. Unfortunately for everyone else, my ex doesn’t care about getting ill and is currently on holiday with another woman (possibly his girlfriend), so I’m sure she isn’t happy about having to camp outside until the lockdown is over as all the hotels are closed. She will also be in the middle of nowhere, far away from any police stations or hospitals so hopefully she’s safe. He also doesn’t like to be the only person that’s ill, and used to cough in my face to make me catch it whenever he was ill, so she’ll have that to look forward to as well, hopefully spending every second with him for 3 weeks will make her see what he’s really like x

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