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Hi All
After a horrendous start to Christmas with ex causing trouble with last minute child contact arrangements, rude and controlling emails from his 3rd party contact which really upset me, I went onto to have a pretty great holiday seeing my family. I can’t say how much it was needed. And thank you for all your advice when I was having a freak out with my ex and his flying monkey’s antics. Much appreciated 🙏 I will be dealing with both situations very shortly.
When seeing separate family members, it was brought to my attention twice that I keep apologising about stuff. Sorry for this. Sorry for that. I was not aware of it at all and wondering if anyone does this? My counsellor previously said that I want to justify myself and I question if how I respond to things is acceptable. My family members said I didn’t use to do this at all.
Not worrying about it but I thought it was interesting. Have I/we ‘ve been made to feel in the wrong for so long that we automatically take the blame/apologise for everything?
Something to work on for 2022 but also good that our families/friends recognise this too and that we have nothing to apologise for xx
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Hi Lifebegins
I’m sure its common. I’ve been told I’m too nice, but this is far from what I’ve been called over the years by him. Also, often told no need to say sorry.
I agree with you and think it comes of years of doubting ourselves due to abuse, trying to justify our very existence with the over-explaining, where you’ve been, why you’re not lying etc, and still not being believed, you get unheard and your voice disappears after time.
Such a positive to have your family around and onside for you, it can help a lot them flagging up noticeable changes in you.
warmest wishes ts
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I can drive myself crazy with this.
If someone doesnt text me back or answer my calls i think ive upset them i will go through previous texts etc to see how i couldve hirt them i then apologise to them. They answer saying they were busy etc and that i did nothing wrong.
Sometimes i dont sleep cause i am worrying so much. I do think this could be a result of always being blamed always being told it you, you are wrong you did wrong and you having to say sorry jist to keep the peace at home.
Its interesting to hear this happens even when you are out. I am so glad however you can see it and have support sending you hugs xx -
Gah!! I do this too. I think it’s from all the eggshell treading and trying to keep the peace.
Even if someone barges into me because they aren’t looking where they’re going, “I’m sorry” pops out of my mouth. If my new fella drops something or similar and swears (at himself) I apologize as if it was me that did it to him. I feel quite cross with myself afterwards.Apparently it’s not just fight and flight with fear, but fight, flight or faun. I think the apologies and trying to smooth things over is an anxiety thing. Fawning sounds a bit of an exaggeration, but I suppose trying to sooth someone when it wasn’t our fault is fawning a bit. Anyway, I’m trying to be more aware of myself doing it too.
GR x
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I definitely have been that person constantly saying sorry and feeling responsible for everyone and everything. And constantly worrying about upsetting people etc. i think it just be related to the dynamic of an egg shell relationships we’ve been through.
I’m more aware of it these days (therapy has helped) and although I can still default to it a few times I have caught myself before or as it happens and tell myself I don’t need to apologise. Definitely a hard habit to get out of but it’s changing for me so I think it’s possible to change. Plus my therapist often points out to me that becoming aware of something is the important and big part of changing our reactions to things.
Sending love -
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