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Hi,I have been married for (detail removed by moderator) and I’ve suffered abuse physically and emotionally the whole time. I’ve made futile pathetic attempts to end it,but have no family or friends and overwhelmed by loneliness each time I do. I have a disability that causes chronic pain so sadly stuck indoors,most days I see no one except him.The violence has got less,but now I get the silent treatment,always told by him by the time I get benefits I wont survive,he works I dont. I pay out what benefit I do get on all the household items,plus loaning him money or taking out an overdraft for him. He has pawned my jewellery over many years,I have to wait about a year before I get it back but then after a week its pawned again.He has slept in another room for (detail removed by moderator) ,he never comes near me,no kisses no cuddles and tells me no one else will ever want me,because I’m old and (detail removed by moderator). He will make me do everything at home because he works and shows no concern about my chronic pain.He was charged and found guilty (detail removed by moderator) ago with abuse but it has never stopped him.He records me if I get upset and uses it to control me,if I do anything he will use it,I was late taking medication he photographed my meds and was going to say I was not taking them. I’ve bought him designer clothes (detail removed by moderator),hes never bought anything he says he cannot afford them on his wages and that he pays all the Bill’s and I should be thankful for that,on my own I wouldn’t be able to pay bills. (Detail removed by moderator) he smashed up items in the living room,I fell down and hurt myself,he threatens to leave me if I confront him on his behaviour,most of the time he leaves me for days,he doesnt contact me,I grovel because I’m afraid and lonely and text him,he gives me the silent treatment then makes out i am to blame. I feel there is no way out,no future because I’m afraid of being alone and losing my home. I wish I was a stronger person,I feel useless and pathetic just wish I had known that his ex was also a victim of domestic violence. I was married before to an alcoholic who was violent and abusive and to go through it again is soul destroying my husband told me I deserved to be beat by my previous husband,that I am thick and stupid and he swears and tells at me on a daily basis,also that no one will believe me by the time hes finished so bring it on.
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Reading that made me so sad for you. Please reach out to the helpline and get a plan in place to help you. There WILL be help available. You are not alone. You CAN do this!!!
Its him who is nothing without you, not the other way around. Ask yourself why he stays if you dont give him anything.
Sending strength and love x
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Thankyou Lostone for such a lovely thoughtful reply. Someone out there thought of me today is warming to know. It’s not a good day I have not been able to stop breaking down and annoyed with myself for letting another person abuse me and feel I’m weak.My self confidence is rock bottom,if I can still be with a person although I cant say when it happened that tried to strangle me and then got told it’s because I would not keep quiet I feel there has to be something wrong with myself,no normal person would let that happen to them and do nothing.
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Hello Poppy,
I can identify so much with everything you have described. I am disabled as well,have problems with walking. I have described on here what my first abusive partner put me through, tormenting me because of it. He also strangled me. I ended up with a second abusive partner too. During the first relationship I was made to feel like dirt that I was horrible repulsive no one wanted me. I became so worn down and depressed. I felt like I couldn’t cope or manage without him even though I was so unhappy. I never knew if he was going to be nice or nasty and he hated me being ill. I have been away from both of them for a few years now and what do you know, despite still being disabled I find I can cope very well on my own.Better than ever to be honest. I don’t have them dragging me down making life twice as hard for me. If I am ill I can rest or do whatever it is I need to do without being moaned at. I go out all the time now, whereas before he/they wouldn’t take me out, wouldn’t drive. I just get taxis or when I feel able I get the bus. I have lost a lot of weight without really trying. I don’t comfort eat and sit on the sofa all day worrying. I cook now. I go for walks and I can walk quite a way because I can go at my own speed without being bullied for walking slowly. I used to have panic attacks out in the street because I couldn’t keep up with him. I volunteer now in a few places, I have interests and hobbies, go to talks theatre the cinema,often on my own. People are nice and they help if they see me struggling.E.g. people in shops help me pack my bags, the taxi drivers carry my shopping into the house,the medical staff are kind and supportive, the people at my volunteer job get me cups of tea and a seat to sit on little things like that Life is better away from the abuse. I wish I had done it years ago. It took me a very very long time to be brave enough to do it but if I can, you can too. You would cope probably better than you ever thought possible you know,once you are away from the cruelty and abuse. Keep posting. We understand. Take care x*x -
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Thankyou for the replies,i know one day I will finally get him out of my life,most days all I can think of is him and what the day is going to be like,its like ground hog day everyday. When he sees that I am quiet,he starts to act all loving and sweet,that’s because he is worried if I’m contemplating getting him out of here,if I respond to anything that is upsetting me I get threatened that he will leave me then,trying to install fear in me to keep me afraid.I have respite when he has gone to work,but watching the clock when it’s time for him to come back,I relish the day that I will be well again mentally and take back my life,its bad enough having a disability but being made worse by a violent n**********c person.
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