Scared I won’t get through this

[Helphelphelp]

My partner left (detail removed by moderator), I really thought I’d be feeling better by now, but I’m not, if anything I feel I’m getting worse, I’ve been given anti depressants from my doctor but I’m to scared to take them as they say I could feel worse for a couple of weeks, I’m all alone now and can not imagine feeling any worse, I can’t see one good thing and I can’t work because I’m hysterical when I wake up for a couple of hours. I got a message from him on an app I haven’t used for years telling me I was the abuser I’ll never find anyone who loved me as he did (detail removed by moderator). I know it’s all lies and I know he is and was always the cause but to think he is telling people this breaks my heart, I’m not a bad person all I ever did was to react to the mental strain and abuse I was getting, him all calm n sensible and me the raving looney. It’s all so unfair and I can’t believe someone can almost destroy you and just walk away playing the victim when I’m the one who can’t do anything normal can’t sleep eat properly is all alone and feeling helpless. Such a bad few days. Sorry to moan but this is becoming to much. Think I may have to take a tablet tonight as I don’t know what else to try. I did take tabs once before and it was horrific panic attacks all day every day for two weeks. Until I was taken off of them. Once again sorry it’s such a moany post Xx

 

[Eggshells]

You just need to get through one day at a time for now. I completely understand your fears and your feeling of isolation. If the tablets make you feel panicky, phone your Dr straight away and they can try you on different ones. I had exactly the same problem and the second prescription was much better. There can be a low a few weeks in. If that happens you need to tell yourself it is just the medication. In a few hours you will feel better.

Honestly, once the tablets had kicked in and started doing their job, I actually started to sleep and that made all the difference.

Life is starting to return to normal. If you don’t have a keyworker from your local charity, please phone now and ask for one. Look for some support groups and keep posting, especially if your mood dips. Two of the amazing ladies on here kept me out of the depths of despair one night.

Make sure that you have the Samaritans number in your phone and call them if you need to. The good thing about reaching rock bottom is that the only way is up. Sending you lots of love and positivity. xx

[Helphelphelp]

Hey Eggshells,
Thank you for replying, I find it so hard to believe that I can drive myself mad going over n over things, I truly don’t sit n try to think about anything but it just pops up in my mind and before I know it I’m crying or feeling anxious as hell. I’m trying to fill my time up with things and I hope I’m gonna feel better soon. Thank you xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Helphelphelp, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Panic attacks are awful. I had a couple a few months ago and realised who was causing them. I’ve been fine since I left. I’m sleeping and eating much better. But there are still moments when I remember something that he did but I find that music helps alot or watching a good film or reading a good book. I distract myself most of the time with my children, but there’s those moments when they’re asleep and I’m sat alone and I’ll have a flashback. It is awful. Most nights I will check windows and doors about 3 times before i sleep. The weekends are the worse for me. I have images in my head of him coming to my house drunk and kicking my door in or something. I’m currently speaking to a counselor organised by my employer and this is helping. Have you considered counseling instead of medication? Talking definitely helps, even coming to the forum and sharing has helped me tons. Also good breathing techniques will help when you feel anxious. I’m sure most of the ladies on here have experienced similar, so you’re not alone. Xx

[Helphelphelp]

Hello turtledove.
I can’t stand the panic attacks, I become erratic in thoughts and feel I’m gonna burst. I’ve just got an Alexa so I’ll have some music on and try that thank you ladies I love you all xx

[diymum@1]

Hi there some antidepressants might not suit every one. the milder ones tend to be setraline and fluoxitine. they tend to work quite quikly and they do take the edge of the anxiety. drugs like mirtazipine and citilopram can make people feel numb and at worst spaced out. just change ur meds as required. if you had diabetes and needed treatment youd take your blood sugar meds. this is the same do what you have to do. i had real bad anxiety and panic attacks first wee while post separation. its totally natural and it does subside. tell yourself i am safe that is the past this is now xx sending a hug diymum

[Helphelphelp]

Hey diymum@1
Thank you for your message I think I’ll try them as I’m getting no where fast. And his just cracking on as normal. Thank you for reaching out xx

[Escapee]

Hi HHH,

You are now moving into the period where your head starts to process and relearn.

I am out a year now and my brain and body is still learning. I’ve kind of given myself 2 years to work through it all as it’s a slow old process.

I used to promise myself that I’d make it to lunchtime, 3pm, 6pm and then tell myself I could get to bedtime. I don’t need to do this now so there’s definitely a moving forward process.

Find a grounding technique that works for you and when you feel the panic coming on use that to help bring yourself back to the present.

I too have been to scared to use medication as being completely on my own, there was no way I could risk feeling worse.

Reach out to all the support available, talking to a stranger over the phone can really help. I have used the Samaritans a few times when the going was really tough and they were wonderful.

It does get better, I promise. Those that have been out a few years are my inspiration, they did this bit too and they’re proof there is life after abuse.

Huge hugs and love to you xx

[Helphelphelp]

Hey Escapee
Awww thank you, it’s so hard isn’t it and it’s frustrating for me that a lot of people keep saying your be ok everyone splits up from someone we’ve all been through it, but they haven’t been through this and it’s soooo hard to explain how a n********t breaks your brain. I’m taking each day as I can and prey I’ll be ok eventually
Thank you for your message I really appreciate all of the women here, love to you and all xx

[diymum@1]

when your in it you just dont see a way forward. youll develop a resilience peaks and troughs. learn lots about the effect DA has on us. its all to similar not to be linked. look at conditioning you almost have to retrain your brain and its wiring and that takes time learning and counselling is useful to give you the right tools. you can do this i didnt think i could but i got there in time xx i still have my moments. were here and we understand xxxx

[Watersprite]

Hello – I can so relate and hear what you are saying! We are all in the same boat – think mine are flashbacks and they are unbearable. My social worker said remember you thought you would leave … but you did (in the end) or survive …. but you have … or be free … but you freed you and your children. Now as we step into a future it’s scary as anything – but 100% track record of survival even if only just. Take one breath at a time count – this too will pass. Baby steps and standing strong with you all 💪

[Helphelphelp]

Hey Watersprite
Thank you I’m trying really hard, I just find it so unbelievable that I can be so unwell in my head, like I know everything but still going over n over stuff, I’m driving myself mad now 🙄 we’ll today was my first day trying tablets so we will see, thank you xx

[Eggshells]

Hi HHH,

Just checking in with you. How’s it going?

[Author]

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