3rd June 2021 at 1:13 am #126601HollyBerryParticipant
I posted a few months ago. I have now left my husband (detail removed by moderator) and am living in a rented room (detail removed by moderator). I have put an offer on a house and it’s been accepted and we have started the divorce process.
There’s been some ups and downs – my savings (detail removed by moderator) paid for the solicitor’s fees, items for my room (detail removed by moderator). I had (detail removed by moderator) of my job role but was able to pick up a new role within the organisation so am now working full time. My work colleagues have been amazing and so supportive and have really looked after me. My family of origin have never been supportive of anything I do so that’s not changed.
I’m sleeping better. I’m slowly gaining confidence and have started to stand up for myself more. I’m still having therapy although this is fortnightly now because of cost.
I’ve been seeing friends at weekends and have joined some local groups of women (detail removed by moderator).
I’m enjoying being able to do what I want when I want without all the walking on eggshells or trying to please or pacify my husband.
I don’t know how long it will take to sort out our finances (they are all in and with our solicitors (detail removed by moderator). As my husband has savings and a large pension it puts the costs up even more and I’m scared I won’t be able to afford it. It’s less stressful though than contact with my husband.
I still have times when I wonder if I’ve done the right thing especially when my son said (detail removed by moderator) I feel like they blame me but they don’t know what happened and I can never tell them. They knew we weren’t getting along and that we weren’t happy though.
The hardest is dealing with a new job, loss of marriage and financial security, family circumstances and losing friends who don’t know what to say and really don’t get what’s happened.
I guess it’s a process and I hope it will get easier.
3rd June 2021 at 8:13 am #126606RockandrolldreamscomethroughParticipant
Hi Hollyberry, reading your post made me smile ❤️ You sound like you are living a free and happy life now, as you should. Yes things will still be hard, especially with finances and things it sounds like but I hope they straighten out over time for you. You sound like you’re doing everything to make your life healthier and you should be proud, leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things to do (for me, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do) it’s completely overwhelming but slowly, slowly glimmers of light appear and you start to enjoy life again. Please don’t blame yourself about not being a family anymore for your children. The day your ex chose to abuse you was the day he split up the family. It’s a lot for kids to process but it is far better your children seeing you happy and healthy and a single parent than seeing you married to their father but being miserable and in an unhealthy relationship xx
3rd June 2021 at 8:19 pm #126628LisaMain Moderator
It’s good to see you posting again, I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that Rockandrolldreamscomethrough has given really good advice. It took so much courage to leave, you are doing so well with reaching out for support, speaking to your colleagues, and joining local groups.
Just to let you know, Rights of Women can give free legal advice and also have some useful information on their website https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/ .
You really did do the right thing, you deserve to be happy and it will take time but things will get easier.
Please keep posting to let us know how you are,
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