Seeing him

[Headcook]

I’m seeing him clearer after couple weeks not living it.
He’s still being mr nice it’s like he’s acting ! It’s not natural
He’s not being a son to me it’s like he’s dealing with a customer a client

He said he loves me the other day I never responded he commented with his back to me
“ you will say it back one day “ I used to be the one to say it all the time to him but don’t feel it to say it

I do love him obviously but there so much pain

The old property went back this week there was damage needed to be fixed
It was repaired so all were worried it would show up
He contacted me yelling at me why would I tell the truth if it got noticed
He couldn’t understand why I would not lie about it ! On and on late at nite
He then claimed he couldn’t trust me to lie so would be coming for inspection
It all felt like old times and I’m not living with him but the impact was the same
Anxiety shaking unable to sleep
I’m not lying for him I’m not lying about what he’s done
Surely now I don’t have to.
I’ve tried to discuss the abuse with him he claimed he’s happier now and our relationship has improved already
I don’t agree !
How can you have a relationship with someone that’s abused you especially your own son
I’m coping with his abuse for years and being a parent being without there child
I don’t like my new support worker it feels like she’s come in on the end.
And support will be withdrawn soon I believe
I feel very alone with all this.

Hc

[Anonymous]

Headcook

Why you stay with this man, you will only ever feel what he wants you to feel. You have to understand that. He will never understand or appreciate how you feel because as long as he’s happy then that means you should be happy too because you are his in his mind.

I couldn’t imagine having a full relationship with any man that put their hand on my child, it’s one thing when they smash, scream and tell you what to do. I’ve learnt with my abuser that by not having any physical/sexual contact I have become much stronger, mentally and physically. I’ve found that slowly my voice is being heard again and showing him that I don’t accept his behavior anymore and I have the right to make my own choices.

You should really think about where you see yourself in the next 5 years! Still with him feeling how you do or finding ways to move on from this man. It won’t be easy to break away but I can promise you it won’t take 5 years to get over this. You can be happy and living a normal life, but we have to take the steps to get that back. Our abusers would happily continue living like this so until we make the break we are allowing them to take control of our lives and minds.

Keep talking on here. There’s some amazing women who offer great advice and advice that comes from personal experience. This advice is the best advice in my option. Xx

[Soulsearcher18]

This is your son who is the abuser Headcook? If I have understood right from previous posts?
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.
For women leaving DV relationships, the advice is to go no contact with their abuser.
I appreciate that this is a different dynamic for you, however, the principle is the same and the boundaries are to keep you safe and enable you to recover.
You could explore how to do this with your support worker, or through Women’s Aid to get advice. Perhaps making clear to him that until he takes responsibility for his actions and seeks support- you are unable to have contact. This is just my thoughts by the way- obviously this is a huge step and I’d really encourage you to seek advice.
The webchat, e-mail and telephone line professional support will always be available, I think if you access the phone line later on in the day it may possibly be easier to get through. There is forum too for you to continue to share your experiences and seek support.
Take care

Soulsearcher

[Anonymous]

Apologies Headcook, I haven’t read a previous post, I thought you were referring to your partner who had assaulted your son! I need more sleep 😂xx

[Author]

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