21st March 2016 at 9:41 am #11990
I have been apart from my abuser for a few years and I had over come so much apart from new someone new. Everytime I did I just wanted my ex back. I have been going a dates with someone new but managed to sleep with my ex last night. I can’t tell anyone as I will be hated by my family and friends as he hurts me bad(rape,mental, emotional and financial abuse.
Need someone to talk to
No bashing please I feel bad enough already
21st March 2016 at 9:42 am #11991
*Apart from meet someone new*
21st March 2016 at 12:09 pm #12000Confused123Participant
Sometimes we make mistakes, important thing is u realized was wrong, break the contact and avoid him now and reflect on what made you sleep with him, i too am starting process of meeting up with guys,i know its hard to trust and we always compare them to our ex, btu we have to stay away from the ex they r very toxic for us,
21st March 2016 at 2:06 pm #12005
I know it was wrong but yet it felt right for me. I went to him. He didn’t hassle me or anything it was all me
I wanted him, still do and feel bad admitting that.
21st March 2016 at 2:52 pm #12011SerenityParticipant
No one’s judging you, because we know how easy it is to feel like we can’t survive without these abusers, because they made us feel that way.
I’m sure you’ve heard trauma bonding being mentioned here,any times, and this is what it is.
I hope he didn’t do anything to hurt you, and I would take real care of yourself. If he starts going back to his old ways, how will that make you feel? You’re so vulnerable.
I hope other ladies here will offer you some more practical advice, but I wanted to know that I’d read your post and know how hard it is to keep away from our abusers at first. But there truly does come a point- and it may take a few years- when we realise how bad they are for us.
21st March 2016 at 3:20 pm #12014
Thank you serenity
That is what this is trauma bonding from a far and when he’s around. Stopped me being with anyone else as I feel I’m doing something wrong or cheating
21st March 2016 at 2:54 pm #12012missgiddypantsParticipant
your obviously still in love with him ,I remember telling someone it was going to be hard to just stop loving my EX ,he was already in love with someone else ,she said you don’t have to stop loving him you can love him for the rest of your life ,but not now I despise him for what he has done to me ,he probably knows you still love him so will be relishing in the thought you can’t do without him ,cos no matter how bad he is you still went to him ,not a very good situation for you as you must stay clear ,have you had any counselling ???
21st March 2016 at 3:17 pm #12013
Yeah I have heard it. I know I will end up hurt again but this destruct button is on. I have stayed away for so long got him out of my head and was doing well, having counselling but it came to dating and sex I just couldn’t be with anyone else apart from him. So I left the date and went straight to him.
I know I need to stay away but I’m already thinking about him
21st March 2016 at 3:28 pm #12015
Im going through the same struggle of not being able to stay away 🙁 my ex was not physically abusive he was controlling and I lived on eggshells it’s so hard because everyone close to me knows what I went through so I don’t feel like I can be honest with them and say that I still love him and miss the good parts because i constantly have it rammed down my throat if I even mention his name, its crazy how they can make you feel so low when your with them but then when your apart they are the only ones that make it feel better when you speak or meet up again! xx
21st March 2016 at 3:37 pm #12016
Can’t tell a soul that I have gone back the lectures and abuse I would get is unreal. But not telling them I’m now lying about my whereabouts. This is what he does to me
Two years of staying away and back to square one. Am i naive to think he has change
He’s so different with me now
21st March 2016 at 3:49 pm #12017
Its so hard I’ve even fallen out with a close friend because I finally stood up to her this week and told her I don’t need her to be so aggressive to me about him, I know the reasons it was wrong which is why I got out so having it constantly rammed down my throat doesn’t help especially when her life isn’t any better with her partner but she is still with him ! The thing is you shouldn’t have to apologise for how you feel or sneak around because the fear of people close to you giving you grief, I know its because they care but sometimes you can end up feeling bullied and controlled by friends and family too and that is where I am at the moment, I really want to believe that he realises how he behaved was wrong and that we could have the normal life I always wanted because I don’t actually want to be with anyone else but it’s scary because can they actually change… xx
21st March 2016 at 7:25 pm #12031
Yeah that true. If I even mention his name in my house I’m consistly reminded what a evil person he is then I talk to him and he’s not that evil person anymore.
22nd March 2016 at 11:10 pm #12101AyannaParticipant
Abusers never change. Beware of the trap you are falling into.
We women need to learn to be strong and independent. We actually do not need men. We are able to live on our own and be successful, wealthy, prosperous. We are better off without men in our lives.
Just remember how they treated you. And compare life without them to that situation.
How good does it feel to buy what we want, to eat what we want, to do what we want. And nobody asks questions. We are free! Why do you want to give that up?
23rd March 2016 at 7:38 am #12108
How are you feeling today kindhearted15 ? xx
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