• This topic has 15 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Eve1.
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    • #11990

      I have been apart from my abuser for a few years and I had over come so much apart from new someone new. Everytime I did I just wanted my ex back. I have been going a dates with someone new but managed to sleep with my ex last night. I can’t tell anyone as I will be hated by my family and friends as he hurts me bad(rape,mental, emotional and financial abuse.
      Need someone to talk to
      No bashing please I feel bad enough already

    • #11991

      *Apart from meet someone new*


    • #12000

      Hi Hun

      Sometimes we make mistakes, important thing is u realized was wrong, break the contact and avoid him now and reflect on what made you sleep with him, i too am starting process of meeting up with guys,i know its hard to trust and we always compare them to our ex, btu we have to stay away from the ex they r very toxic for us,

    • #12005

      I know it was wrong but yet it felt right for me. I went to him. He didn’t hassle me or anything it was all me
      I wanted him, still do and feel bad admitting that.

    • #12011

      Hi Kindhearted,

      No one’s judging you, because we know how easy it is to feel like we can’t survive without these abusers, because they made us feel that way.

      I’m sure you’ve heard trauma bonding being mentioned here,any times, and this is what it is.

      I hope he didn’t do anything to hurt you, and I would take real care of yourself. If he starts going back to his old ways, how will that make you feel? You’re so vulnerable.

      I hope other ladies here will offer you some more practical advice, but I wanted to know that I’d read your post and know how hard it is to keep away from our abusers at first. But there truly does come a point- and it may take a few years- when we realise how bad they are for us.

      Hugs X

      • #12014

        Thank you serenity
        That is what this is trauma bonding from a far and when he’s around. Stopped me being with anyone else as I feel I’m doing something wrong or cheating
        Messed up

    • #12012

      your obviously still in love with him ,I remember telling someone it was going to be hard to just stop loving my EX ,he was already in love with someone else ,she said you don’t have to stop loving him you can love him for the rest of your life ,but not now I despise him for what he has done to me ,he probably knows you still love him so will be relishing in the thought you can’t do without him ,cos no matter how bad he is you still went to him ,not a very good situation for you as you must stay clear ,have you had any counselling ???

    • #12013

      Yeah I have heard it. I know I will end up hurt again but this destruct button is on. I have stayed away for so long got him out of my head and was doing well, having counselling but it came to dating and sex I just couldn’t be with anyone else apart from him. So I left the date and went straight to him.
      I know I need to stay away but I’m already thinking about him

    • #12015

      Im going through the same struggle of not being able to stay away 🙁 my ex was not physically abusive he was controlling and I lived on eggshells it’s so hard because everyone close to me knows what I went through so I don’t feel like I can be honest with them and say that I still love him and miss the good parts because i constantly have it rammed down my throat if I even mention his name, its crazy how they can make you feel so low when your with them but then when your apart they are the only ones that make it feel better when you speak or meet up again! xx

      • #12016

        Can’t tell a soul that I have gone back the lectures and abuse I would get is unreal. But not telling them I’m now lying about my whereabouts. This is what he does to me
        Two years of staying away and back to square one. Am i naive to think he has change
        He’s so different with me now

    • #12017

      Its so hard I’ve even fallen out with a close friend because I finally stood up to her this week and told her I don’t need her to be so aggressive to me about him, I know the reasons it was wrong which is why I got out so having it constantly rammed down my throat doesn’t help especially when her life isn’t any better with her partner but she is still with him ! The thing is you shouldn’t have to apologise for how you feel or sneak around because the fear of people close to you giving you grief, I know its because they care but sometimes you can end up feeling bullied and controlled by friends and family too and that is where I am at the moment, I really want to believe that he realises how he behaved was wrong and that we could have the normal life I always wanted because I don’t actually want to be with anyone else but it’s scary because can they actually change… xx

      • #12031

        Yeah that true. If I even mention his name in my house I’m consistly reminded what a evil person he is then I talk to him and he’s not that evil person anymore.

    • #12101

      Abusers never change. Beware of the trap you are falling into.
      We women need to learn to be strong and independent. We actually do not need men. We are able to live on our own and be successful, wealthy, prosperous. We are better off without men in our lives.
      Just remember how they treated you. And compare life without them to that situation.
      How good does it feel to buy what we want, to eat what we want, to do what we want. And nobody asks questions. We are free! Why do you want to give that up?

      • #12113

        all hail to that Ayanna my sentiments exactly ,x*x

      • #12149

        Ayanna, I hope more than anything that this is true! It’s my greatest wish now. (the independent, wealthy and prosperous bit!)


    • #12108

      How are you feeling today kindhearted15 ? xx

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