Self doubt wobble

[EbonyRaven]

So  I get a written passive/aggressive message online about his reasons for stealing from me. (Yes, we live in the same house). (detail removed by moderator) Also, that I am not the most ‘huggy’ person in the world, never have been, so that is normal for me. Also that for years, any time I have shown affection the immediate response from him was sarcastic comments about writing it in his diary, or how I must be feeling guilty about the (non-existent) affairs I’m having etc. Or to instantly turn it into something crudely sexual.

I was here when he sat and took a few pills recently, ones that were harmless and can’t be overdosed on. I ignored it at the time, and have made no mention of it.  (detail removed by moderator)”Then he says that he does love me, I just don’t love him. He goes on to say who could love him.

Anyway, the implied message I read in that is that he took an overdose because of me, and that I am the one who has caused his lack of self esteem and depression by not being affectionate enough.

How can you continue to be affectionate toward someone who either turns any cuddle into something crude and sexual, or is sarcastic about it in a nasty way?

I’m wondering if I did do enough. Should I have ignored the sarcasm and put it down to depression making him push me away (his words), and tried harder to somehow show more affection? Am I lacking something inside, am I cold and unfeeling? I’m doing my best to fight those thoughts and remember that I’m not to blame and I don’t accept the guilt. It’s hard though.

Oh, and he’s attempting to triangulate. Playing an online game with a woman and calling her my love, sweetheart, baby girl etc. In the lounge, next to me, over a headset microphone. He even told me he’s been looking up the cost of flights to go and see her.
They also send messages to one another that are there on the screen. Things about how she feels she’s known him forever (where’ve I heard that before?!!!), and how they each wish they were there with the other, and so on.

So, feeling a bit weepy right now, and questioning my own sanity and thought processes. I’m guessing my aged body is playing hormone games with my emotions too, that doesn’t help.

Thanks for listening. I wonder how many other people out there will be thinking about how they’re looking forward to going back to work.

[KIP.]

If you were that bad. Why is he still with you? My ex did the same. Triangulation. What kind of a person does that? Sick dysfunctional individuals. Try to get him out your home. If he has no right to be there. Change the locks the next time he goes out. He’s using you. I got a rambling email about how I was dragging him down and how he had never felt so low. this from a man who raped and abused me for decades. They just make stuff up. Don’t believe a word he says. Hes talking about himself and what he’s doing to you. It’s mirroring. Pay attention as its as good as a confession x

[Iwantmeback]

My oh too says I show him no affection, do you know why? EVERY time I told him I loved him he’d reply you only think you do, or so you say. If I went to give him a kiss goodbye, he ALWAYS turned his face away, if I went to hold his hand outside he’d pull his away,he loves sex with me when we are in the middle of it but next day he makes out it was the worst ever. I could go on and on, so yes I no longer show him affection, my wall is well and truly up. Any form of affection is classed as I’m up for it, I no longer sleep naked as he thinks he’s getting some. I’m menopausal, I sweat buckets at times.
Even in this horribly unhappy relationship I’d still not entertain having an affair.even though I get accused of it, then told I can’t take a joke, I’m no fun anymore. Not because of any vows I took, just haven’t got the energy plus dont trust anyone enough now to be intimate with them.

IWMB 💕💕

[Apricotpoppy]

Hi Ebony Raven,
this is awful emotional abuse he is trying to humiliate you and you do not deserve any of this. You should be able to rest and relax on your break.
It plays with your mind, we go over it again and again but it will never make any sense. It is him not you. If you are able to get him out or have space away from him your mind can clear.
When I had the police at my house he said when he gets home he walks inside and feels so happy and relaxed to be home and it is our absolute right to feel safe and happy in our home.
All the best x

[Apricotpoppy]

Thats good to hear you’ve got
a plan to stick to . Sometimes
it gets hard to function as its so emotionally draining. Have you got good legal advice for the occupation order ? I was going to file an injunction but legal aid explained I didnt have enough evidence in the end so had to come up with a different approach.
All the best x

[KIP.]

I was thinking about your situation. If it’s your property you can simply call the police and have him removed. You can also report the theft of your money and you have evidence in his message. You may need to think outside the box. Reporting the theft will help with an occupation order. It can also be used for leverage but be very careful. These men are very dangerous especially when they lose control.

[EbonyRaven]

I haven’t had legal advice yet. However I shall be getting my statement looked over before it gets submitted. I’m hoping a local WA may be able to help me with that. I’m waiting to hear back from them. I’m sure they’ll get back to me after the holidays.
I’ve been very careful to give facts and dates, and then back those with how things made me feel, and how they affected my life.

I did report it this time KIP. Got a crime reference and have made a statement. They’ll be coming to interview him asap apparently.

Can they come and remove him without any physical violence having happened? They haven’t offered to. I feel like the order is the only route I can go down.

[Author]

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