Sensitive topic

[cakepops]

I don’t really know how to start this. I think perhaps my mind is getting away with itself so I’ll give the info as best I can.

I have been separated for quite a while now and have two young kids which abusive ex has every other weekend.

My oldest son has had huge issues with aggression, sleep, and anxiety after contact. I assumed this was due to ex having anger issues and often saying clearly inappropriate things about me (e.g. telling kids I’m a liar, I made him leave etc).

(Detail removed by moderator) ago my oldest son got a rash in his (detail removed by moderator) area which looked like chickenpox but wasn’t. Pharmacist thought a heat rash, but it didn’t go away as he suggested it would. I spoke to GP (detail removed by moderator) ago who asked me to email pics which I did but he wasn’t sure and thought maybe something viral. It’s still there now (detail removed by moderator) later although getting better slowly. He’s also been saying his bottom hurts, although won’t give any more detail.

My younger son came back from contact (detail removed by moderator) with a swollen willy and saying it hurts to pee. It’s been really hot and he also had a heat rash to I assumed this was the reason.

BUT – my mothers instinct is screaming at me that two lots of genital issues directly after each other is more than coincidence. Both not an issue until contac. Am I crazy to be worried?

My ex was never sexually abusive but he also hid his true sexuality and is apparently now telling people he’s bisexual. He was emotionally and on some occasions also physically abusive to me but never sexually.

I feel like I’m mad to be considering if there’s more to this than coincidence but something just doesn’t feel right…

[KIP.]

Please report this as on as possible to your GP. Please trust your gut, it’s better to raise this and be wrong than to ignore it. Can you ask your son if anything has touched his bum or gently get him to explain what he thinks might have happened.not sure what age they are but the NSPCC has a great helpline. Don’t ignore your gut. Once an abuser always an abuseR.

[Whodat]

I teach child protection and this is extremely extremely concerning. Please please take them to the g.p and contact social work. It’s likely the g.p will if you don’t. They are trained to discuss these things with children. It could be a weird coincidence but its better safe than sorry. However, any injury/pain in genital reason which is unexplained is often indicitaveof something more sinister. I hope we are wrong but you need to trust your mother’s instinct and follow up on this. They won’t directly ask them if their dad’s done x y or z as it’s super important not to put false ideas in kids heads or traumatise them through the process. Please get this checked out

[Escapee]

Cakepops, absolutely trust your gut.
I too used to be involved with CP and what you describe would be taken very seriously. The physical symptoms alongside the change in behaviour indicates that something is wrong. Even if it isn’t your worse fears, it is far better to act than to think it couldn’t possibly be happen to your boys.

I’d recommend talking to your GP, Social Services (they will be involved anyhow so it’s worth seeking their help) and the child protection team at your boys school.

I would avoid trying to ask your boys questions as this may back fire and been seen as leading them, let the professionals help you.

Good luck.

[Wants To Help]

Hi Cakepops,

As others have stated, this is extremely concerning, please take some action today if you can.

This type of concern should really be a visit to the GP and should NOT be done via telephone appointment and photos, (for one, a GP should not be asking anyone to send them photos of children’s private parts even if it is for medical reasons as this falls under offences of sending indecent images of children. You will never know where or how these images may get shared or used in future – but that is not the main concern for now.)

Any suspicion of child sexual abuse should be acted on straight away. If you call the Police with your concerns they will act as a matter of urgency and you should see a Child Protection Officer who is specially trained to deal with sexual offences with children and are trained in interviewing children. They will arrange for your children to be seen at a specialist Child SARC (Sexual Abuse Referral Centre) by specialist paediatric doctors. It is unlikely they will speak to your ex about any concerns you have raised unless there is any evidence of sexual abuse, however, your concerns will be raised with Children’s Services and they will advise you not to allow any child contact with your ex until the result of the examination is concluded.

I should imagine this is a devastating thing for you to be coming to terms with and having to consider that your children may have been sexually abused, but please do not err on the side of doubt and put this off until you believe you have further evidence. Your mum is right and the warning bells are right there, you are not going crazy, and your gut instinct is screaming at you something isn’t right. Please make those phone calls today. It’s far better to be safe than sorry.

[iliketea]

Devastating to have to even consider but like others have said, please please contact the GP asap with your honest concerns. I used to work in the area of child protection too. Please please do that today.

[Author]

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