15th December 2018 at 8:53 pm #68727PurpleturtleParticipant
Hi is there a local group I live in (Detail removed by Moderator) just wondered if there was somewhere to go and talk to someone?
15th December 2018 at 9:09 pm #68728maddogParticipant
Best to leave a message with the national helpline and ask them. They are very good at calling back. If you are in immediate trouble and feel threatened, dial 999. otherwise dial 101 to report. Please do not be alone with this.
15th December 2018 at 10:32 pm #68735IwantmebackParticipant
Hi i found mine when I scrolled further down the search list. You could put in your area and see what comes up, there are a few in and around my surrounding areas. If not ask the national helpline. They are busy so you might need to leave a message for a call back. Is there anything we could help with if I’m not being too forward.
16th December 2018 at 8:42 am #68742LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting.
You can find your local support group here. Or you can call the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247, the Helpline Worker will be able to discuss any options available based on your circumstances as well as signpost you to any other helpful organisations.
Just to add, I have edited your post to remove your location as it is identifying information on this public forum. I do this for everyone to reduce any risk. More information can be found in our Forum Guidelines and FAQs.
Please do keep posting to us when you can and when you are ready to share more.
16th December 2018 at 1:23 pm #68756PurpleturtleParticipant
Thank you so much everyone so I left my husband of (Detail removed by Moderator)years in (Detail removed by Moderator). I was in a physically abisive relationship in the beginning of our marriage. He was obsessed with the cleaning and nothing I did was ever good enough. This stopped and we went on to have children now aged (Detail removed by Moderator) and (Detail removed by Moderator). Girls. As they have grown he has been emotionally abusive towards me and I’ve lived under coercive control. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends. My family were hated by him though they showed nothing but support. He controlled the finances to the degree I’d be stuck with no money in town with no way of getting home. This is When I’ve had the children with me. I’ve been their carer as he’s worked long hours until (Detail removed by Moderator) @ night. My youngest has additional needs she is non verbal.
Anyway my recent problem now has arise. In childcare….he has been suicidal and I’ve been very worried about his stability. The early help team and gp both asked me if I thought he was fit to look after the children as they had knowledge that he’d taken an overdose lately… friends reported he was shakey…
anyway the arrangement when I first left was 50:50….he protested to my plan saying I was being unfair then he refused to put another proposal together. I changed it (Detail removed by Moderator) as I moved into a rental property so I said the girls could stay with me during tyke week and see him every other weekend.-in addition he could have an after school teatime until (Detail removed by Moderator) and an overnight in the week…
Now (Detail removed by Moderator) he is refusing to bring my girls home to me… he says my eldest doesn’t want to come home to me and wants to stay there with him…
What do I do….. thank you
16th December 2018 at 5:08 pm #68766IwantmebackParticipant
Are your children of an age where the courts would listen to how they feel regards visitation. Obviously you can’t let us know on here for safety reasons. If they are could you contact the police, ask to speak to an officer trained in DA. I’m not sure but if he’s refusing to return them and you fear fir their well being, and he’s acting irrationally threatening suicide, it could be in your favour to get them returned. Desperate men take desperate measures and all that. I’m not looking to frightening you but you could use this when you talk to the police. This is fact as stated previously in your post with regards gp and early team 🤔 raising concerns.
Good luck, I hope you get the results you need.
16th December 2018 at 6:50 pm #68774KIP.Participant
Speak to a solicitor. Most offer free initial advice. Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. You need to get something legally binding in place. He’s doing this to get a reaction from you. Take some deep breaths. You can ask the police to go round and do a welfare check. You can go with them and try to bring the children home?
16th December 2018 at 8:48 pm #68782[email protected]Participant
I’d call the police too, tell them about his history, it will be documented heavily in his medical notes and he will have in depth conversations written word for word with a psychologist. I’d get a solicitor to take this to court ASAP, once you get the kids back the solicitor will probably tell you to cut contact until court. If he’s refusing to not bring them back and has history of coercive control that’s illegal. Once you get them back I’d go for supervised access get CAFCASS or in scotland its an independent lawyer (the court assigns this if you say you have concerns) request his medical records, the courts won’t allow contact if they’re not satisfied he’s fit to look after the children.They have a welfare check list to follow, so the welfare of the child takes presidence over the fathers rights. I don’t think he will get time alone with them. Time to get all evidence together, diary of events, see the GP let her know what’s happening and write a letter for court. Get the kids a means to have a voice, so therapist, GP, school. There’s forms they can fill out F9 and helping hands form -from the law society. I think they give you three weeks to prepare. Let the services know how vital it is you get the reports and letters. Good luck 💕💕DIY
16th December 2018 at 8:52 pm #68783[email protected]Participant
One piece of advice if all else fails the authorities don’t like it when you ask if something happens to my kids will you take responsibility. Mention 19 child homicides due to unsafe contact it’s written by WA. They will sit up and listen then. Xx 💕 DIY
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