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    • #96625
      Rainbowcloud
      Participant

      I can’t stand having to sleep with him I had to (detail removed by moderator) because I have to or he goes in a mood and makes a drama over it so rather do it to keep the peace. It’s really embarrassing to discuss this but he always puts his tongue right in my mouth constantly he knows I don’t like it I told him last year I didn’t and ask why he keeps doing that and won’t stop even when I try to do a normal kiss it makes me feel sick. If I can’t stand sleeping with him anymore it’s obviously dead in the water. He never used to make a big issue out of sex but he does now and will ask for photos of me aswell which drives me nuts. How does everyone cope as I’m finding it very very hard the last few months

    • #96628
      KIP.
      Participant

      Warning contains sexual references………
      That’s exactly what happened to me. He would insist on putting his tongue in my mouth when he came. I would turn my head away and he’d turn it back. It was soul destroying. Sex should be given without fear of the consequences or coercion or it’s rape. The way I dealt with is was lumping it with all the other abuse, emotional, financial, mental, verbal, physical and sexual. The more we don’t want to do it, the more they want to take back control. They absolutely know we don’t want it. Eventually my ex would rape me even when I tried to move away or told him outright that I didn’t want to. You’re not alone in this and try to use it as a means to push along your escape plan. I would never want to have sex with someone who clearly doesn’t want to. But they have no feelings or boundaries. Save yourself before even more damage is done. There’s a lot of work to be done psychologically once you do get free x

    • #96632
      maddog
      Participant

      I agree with KIP. These abusers don’t have boundaries. Consent is irrelevant when they see us in the same way most people see a spoon or a footpath or anything else we wouldn’t normally consent to using.

      When we don’t have the capacity or freedom to consent, it’s rape.

      Many years ago when we needed a new bed I made sure we got a huge one and I remember thinking maybe subconsciously that there would be more room for me to get away with a barrage of pillows down the middle. Of course it didn’t work and now I just have a massive bed.

      My ex didn’t do the kissing bit. Only genital contact. Years ago I heard that prostitutes don’t snog. Whether or not it’s true I don’t know. Total lack of intimacy. One way or another, passive aggressive or plain aggressive, the result is the same.

      My ex hated onesies, presumably because access is harder.

      I bought a security camera because of my ex’s behaviour. Nobody likes it at all but there it is.

    • #96633
      Rainbowcloud
      Participant

      (detail removed by moderator) So biazzre to even thank me because he knows I didn’t want it that is all I can think. How they can sleep with us knowing we don’t want it is beyond me.

    • #96634
      Rainbowcloud
      Participant

      Maddog I want a king size bed so I have more space but that won’t work.

    • #96636
      Rainbowcloud
      Participant

      Ladies you are so strong dealing with all this it’s hard

    • #96637
      Raindays
      Participant

      I completely sympathise with you, I feel exactly the same, I can’t stand him touching me. It’s not your fault it’s everything he has done to make you feel like That and it’s so hard to deal with, the fear of their reaction if we say no to them
      Hope your ok xx

    • #96638
      KIP.
      Participant

      I remember wearing layers of pyjamas to bed. Now I love sleeping nude. It feels so free x

    • #96640
      Rainbowcloud
      Participant

      I could never sleep naked he jsur gets this look like I’m there to perform and is like so are you going to or not I have to keep the peace but the tongue thing makes me feel physically sick when I e told him not do that anymore why carry on then thank me after like I did him a favour

    • #96641
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s gaslighting. He thinks if he acts all normal that you will be spinning with confusion. And he’s right. He knows exactly what he’s doing, he knows it repulses you and he simply doesn’t care. As long as he’s in control, that’s all that matters. I told my ex not to touch me in a certain way and guess what. He stopped that time but next time he did exactly the same thing. They cannot stand being told what to do and they will simply do the opposite. Then probably fake forgetting you already told them. I know I would remember if someone told me during sex that they didn’t like a certain thing. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to work out his behaviour. It doesn’t come close to what we expect from decent human beings. Just concentrate on your exit plan because that’s the only way this abuse stops x

    • #96644
      fizzylem
      Participant

      RC, it has quite literally brought tears to my eyes reading your post, with the feelings of disgust, anger and sadness; you’re either abused sexually or abused in many other ways. I am truly praying you get out very soon and put an end to this madness; what a terrible place you find yourself to be. Please make this stop flower x

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