Shark Bumps

[SunshineRainflower]

I’ve just remembered something I read, I think on a domestic abuse information website but not sure which one which I thought would be useful to share. It said that abusers often test our boundaries in the early stages to see if we protect them, a bit like the way a shark bumps it’s potential prey first before going into attack. I’m not certain but I think the shark does this to check the defence system of the creature it plans to attack.

My ex was often testing my boundaries but one thing that comes into my mind in particular was that he started to do this thing where he would suddenly run and jump on me and land right on top of me when I was lying in bed about to get up. I always thought it was fun/funny at the time and it never hurt, but thinking about it now I think he might have been doing it to set up a scenario where he could run at me, jump on me, hurt me then just pretend it was a game?

I think my ex was quite sadistic but knew this wasn’t socially acceptable so he’d often be rough with me and bruise me ‘play fighting’ or suddenly grab my wrist making out it was part of a game or something. I had quite a lot of bruises at one point and it was really weird to see them on my body because I knew he caused them but it never seemed deliberate. He’d act all nonchalant and say I must bruise easily. I totally believed these were all accidents until he started to become frightening.

It was all really subtle, slow and makes me think these men are pretty clever. I can also see how it’s easy to get trapped in a violent relationship because they never start off violent which is what people tend to think if they’ve never experienced it. They slowly test your boundaries and escalate the abuse but only to the state of plausible deniability. Like a scale they increasingly move up on until it seems totally normal that they are very violent with you.

I hope this helps to share. It’s something I will be watching very closely for if I ever decide to date again.

[Anonymous]

It’s always good to educate all that will listen when it comes to abusive men. It will be something that I will teach my daughter. It’s a tough world out there but there are good people out there too xx I didn’t realise sharks did that? Nature is a clever thing xx ☺

[Nina]

That’s just got me thinking. Early on in our relationship, my ex lost a game (detail removed by moderator) one evening. We were laughing and joking with him telling me how he never lost at anything, as I got up to make a cup of tea for us.
He then followed me through to kitchen, spun me round and just ripped my shirt open. Every button pinged off everywhere. I was just stunned, but he started laughing saying he was a sore looser and I have no idea now, why the hell I didn’t run then. He just joked his way out of it and all I did was put the shirt in the bin as it was irreparable and put on a sweater.
I think when the abuse starts, it’s so confusing. You don’t really know what’s going on and then it just escalates. The abuse and the confusion x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi i get the shark bumps analogy. Never associated with my oh thoufh, now it’s written down, it’s e actually what they do.
I too went through a phase of being covered in ‘explainable’ bruises. We were only carrying on, i bruise really easily.
My oh too lost the rag playing a board game, claimed my daughter was cheating and threw it in the air. We were all like w*f just happened, it’s a blo..y game. Never played it again either.
Nina, my oh too has ripped clothes on us. Usually the collar which is very painful when it drags across your neck. Don’t remember how many pjs i threw out belonging to my 🤔🤔son somehow mysteriously all having the collar coming away from the stitching. Or him grabbing my jeans by the waist as I’ve tried to walk away from him and doubling over with the momentum. Bl..dy hell, sharks, insidious creatures. Totally apt description 🐟

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