Should I give him another chance?

[raindew]

So it’s only been (detail removed by Moderator) since I broke up with him and all I’m feeling is sadness and guilt. I’m wanting to text him so badly and fix things. We had only been together a matter of (detail removed by Moderator) and he had been emotionally abusing me, and physically on one or two occasions, and very controlling. Do you think the abuse would get worse if I explained everything to him and gave him another chance? I don’t know why but I’m terrified of regretting leaving him and him not taking me back. Does anyone else worry about that as well?

[Bettertimesahead]

The abuse will get worse if you go back. If he was already emotionally and physically abusing you in a short time then there is no doubt it would escalate. Please try and stay strong, you broke up with him for a reason, remember that. It’s hard, you will miss him but if a friend was treating you like that would you still be friends? If a friend was being treated how you were what would you say to them? Keep posting here, it does help

[Empoweredhealing]

I don’t think any woman who’s ever been in an abusive relationship would advise you to EVER go back. But the pain you are going through is so understandable. It will take all your strength to resist going back to your abuser.
By the way, there is nothing that you can say or explain that could stop his abuse. That’s because the abuse was not caused by you.
He’s abusive because of his own brokenness. If you go back to him, the abuse will come back. If you don’t go back to him, he will find another woman to abuse.
Again, this is because there is nothing you did or can do to make him abusive. The next woman will not be able to stop the abuse either. I hope you choose to save yourself.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go back it only gets worse. You’ve taken such a brave step and feeling guilty is normal. Sending hugs x

[Lifeinterrupted]

Have you heard of trauma bonding? If not, it is worth reading up about. Its quite possible that this is why you are feeling such a strong pull back to a man you know has been hurting you. If you explain things to him, he will probably be sorry and loving towards you, and your bond to him will become stronger. Then, the abuse will start again, maybe even worse than before, and it will be even harder for you to escape next time. This is the cycle of abuse, its what abusers do.

Everything you feel is normal, that emotional pull is hard. It took me years to leave my abuser; and in the end I only found the strength because the abuse had escalated so much that on some level, I knew that if I didnt he might seriously hurt or kill me. It sounds like your instincts have told you to get out. Please listen to them because they are right. You have done a good and brave thing.

[Hetty]

Sadly no amount of explaining or loving him will change him. If he says he’s changed don’t believe him. They use these tactics to hook us back in. The quick escalation in your relationship is a massive red flag. It’s horrible feeling so sad about the relationship and the hopes you had but staying out will save you a lot of heart ache in the future. Make the decision to stay out and your future self will thank you. I wasted years with my ex. Nothing changes x*x

[BeachBlonde]

Hey
Sorry this is not the most helpful reply but I just wanted to say I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this and that I get that it’s really hard. I broke up with boyfriend of a year (detail removed by Moderator) ago and I know how you are feeling, I doubt myself every day. But my gut tells me it was the right thing to do, as it sounds like yours did too. Trust yourself and love yourself. X*x

[Camel]

The original post was a while ago but I want to comment. I was just weeks into my abusive relationship when he made me cry, accused me of cheating on him. I hung up the phone on him. Then immediately felt like I’d over-reacted and called him back, said the line went dead. By this time I’d already been subjected to triangulation, unfounded jealousy, control, push-pull, demands for sex, isolation. Of course, I didn’t see any of this at the time. What I had then was this overpowering urge to make the relationship work. It makes no sense now and made less sense then. I was compelled to do anything and everything to keep him happy – while I felt mostly miserable.

I’m still not sure how it was that I gave up everything just to keep the relationship going. If you find yourself thinking about second chances so early on, run. And keep running. I wish I had.

[Author]

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