Hello Livinginhope,
I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through at the moment. We know that abusers use the children, custody issues and contact as a means to continue their emotional abuse and control long after the relationship has ended, it can be such a frustrating and upsetting experience.
It sounds like your ex is trying to make you feel distressed and panic, as if he wants you to be chasing him for reassurance about the children. It seems like a power move on his part, and is very manipulative behaviour. It must be really difficult for you.
If you are worried about the safety of your children, you may want to consider speaking to the police. Is there a contact order in place at the moment? Maybe it would be helpful to get some legal advice around your rights. You could contact Rights of Women who have a family law advice line.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa