21st March 2016 at 11:43 pm #12048Jelly beanParticipant
So soon I’ll be seeing my ex again during a visit where he’s going to be coming to mine to see the kids..
It’s come to my attention yet again that he’s posting horrible, untrue and d**n right disrespectful comments about me on social media. He’s been told so many times by our solicitor that he really shouldn’t be doing it but he will never be told what he can and can’t do and therefore it’s still happening.
I want to confront him. I want to know why he thinks it’s perfectly fine for him to continue to lie about me, be disrespectful towards me and publicly humiliate me. I have to let him come into my home as part of the current order and why should I have to do that when he gets to speak about me in such an awful way and he just gets away with it?
My question to you all on here is.. Do I actually confront him when I see him?
I mean right now I’m feeling brave because I’m angry but when I see him will I be feeling so brave? Will I say something then regret it.. I have no idea how he would react to me.. Will I crumble.. Will I just be playing into his hands?
I’m not sure if confronting him is the right thing to do but what else can I do to make this stop? It’s not like it’s a one off thing, it’s all the time and I’ve had enough of it.
22nd March 2016 at 9:13 am #12059SuntreeParticipant
I wouldn’t confront him, that is exactly what he wants.
What I would do is make sure you have copies of all the things he posts. Screen shots etc and store them should you need them to help show the full story in the future.
Stay calm, stay pleasant. make sure you have a witness at the handover of the children.
Remember the things people do say more about them than it does about you.
Hold you head up high, be calm and don’t engage.
22nd March 2016 at 3:47 pm #12078HerindoorsParticipant
I am with Suntree. Don’t confront him. It’s exactly what he wants. One of the things abusers do is feed off the reactions we give them, so don’t feed him. Not reacting is actually the best revenge for what he is doing. Stay dignified and calm and don’t let him know his actions have upset you.
It might look like he is getting away with it now but it will come back and bite him eventually. Like Suntree says, keep the evidence because the chances are you will be able to use it in the future. And don’t underestimate what other people who are reading these posts are thinking…you probably think they are thinking bad things about you that they they bleieve him right? Well most people don’t think like him (like an abuser) and will be reading them and realising that there is something seriously wrong with him. And those that do believe him? You don’t need them in your life anyway..
He is effectively ruining his own reputation bit by bit. Let him get on with it.
take care x*x
23rd March 2016 at 3:15 pm #12138Jelly beanParticipant
Hi both and thank you
You’re both right. Reacting to this is just what he wants. He can’t get to me personally (ie to my face or my phone as he’s blocked) so he’s just doing it the only way he can.
I’ve saved everything and my solicitor also has copies. I guess it’s hard not to bite back but deep down I know i would never really be able to do that, and I also know that he must just be doing whatever he can to try and get to me. The best thing I can do when I have to see him is just keep my head high and show him nothing. If I’ve learnt anything recently it’s that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.
Thanks for the advice 🙂 x
23rd March 2016 at 4:59 pm #12139KIP.Participant
Play the long game. Stay calm. Do you have a voice recorder on your phone. Leave it in in your pocket or somewhere safe. If he’s still abusing you on social media there’s nothing stopping him in your own home. The gloves are off with these abusers. Don’t put it past him to be recording it too. Try and have a witness with you and stay away from him. Don’t be drawn into conversation. In fact I would ask that he sticks to basic pleasantries in front of kids. Do not start a conversation. You will hand him the power and opportunity. You will never get a reasonable explanation no matter how hard you try. You will end up emotionally drained. Save your strength x good luck. I feel so sad for the mums on here. My husband threatened to take my son so I put up with dreadful abuse for years till he was grown and the way the courts are today I can’t say I’d do it any differently. It’s all so sad. But they have one strong consistent parent in you. Keep going and well done x
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