Should I report him for coercive control

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi everyone,

Since I escaped my abusive ex I have been debating whether or not to report him to the police for coercive control or to just move on with my life and put a line under it.

On the one hand I want to report him so the police to have it on record in case he tries anything. I’m scared he might turn up at my house, harass, stalk or even kidnap me. I’m also worried about other women he will be seeing because I am certain he is a sociopath or psychopath – he joked about killing me and hiding my body, has no empathy, no remorse, pathological liar, loved violence, could not accept personal responsbility for anything, superficially charming and wearing a mask that hid a terrifyingly cold, black heart. He has caused me to have PTSD type symptoms from psychological, emotional and sexual abuse which is bad enough but I fear he might end up killing someone some day (and have been worried it might be me if he comes after me).

On the other hand I have viritually no proof as he was very crafty and only ever said and did abusive things to me in person and was always ‘sweet’ over text messages and emails.

I’m also worried that by going to the police he will turn it on me, say I’m unstable, use my mental health against me, make accusations and cause chaos and destruction in my life when I am trying to heal. Or that it will make him angry and might incite him to continue to target me when he otherwise might have just left me alone. I fear for my safety. He has been in touch once just asking to talk which I have ignored and will continue to ignore if he keeps doing it.

What do you think? Did you report abusers for coercive control when you had no children or just move on and focus on healing?

[lover of no contact]

I would be afraid ‘to poke the bear’ but that’s me. Maybe some of the other ladies on here would have other ideas.

For me I am trusting ‘Karma’ and ‘natural consequences of his toxic behaviour’ will catch up with my abuser. The best revenge I believe is ‘living our lives well and to the full’, “to thrive”, not just survive the abuse.

I feel I’m finally getting revenge from my abuser in that he has not broken me, that my ‘self’ that he had reduced to a shell is being restored and healed and he knows that. He has everyone else duped who is close to him, family, our children, friends and acquaintances, none of them see through his façade or those who do would never confront him but I feel by my No Contact and my stance I am saying ‘I know who you are.. you don’t pull the wool over my eyes…you’re not gonna pull my strings.’ Moving on, looking good, just being myself..I am everything without him and he is nothing without someone to abuse.

I am getting my revenge one day at a time by ‘thriving’ without him.

[Finallysomethingclicked]

Hi I would have to agree totally with lover of no contact karma will do her thing eventually and living your life happy a free is the sweetest revenge. Xx

[EeyoreNoMore]

Sorry girls, I’m going to play devils advocate here.

What if you reporting him means that you could potentially save the next woman? What if his next gf makes an application under Clare’s Law but it comes back clear because nobody’s ever reported him?

Ultimately the decision is yours and karma will surely come back and bite him on the butt at some point.

[SunshineRainflower]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. For now I have chosen not to report him for several reasons. Firstly he has psychopathic/sociopathic traits and I’m very scared of what he would do. I can’t take any more psychological torture from him as I am already suicidal. I also don’t have any proof as such, as it was all verbal when we were alone, so they’d struggle to charge him with anything, and he is a skilful patholigical liar so I’m sure he’d easily be able to hoodwink the police.

I wish there was a way we could report these men and still be able to protect ourselves emotionally and physically without having to go into hiding and disrupt our lives in the process.

I hope karma comes his way soon if it hasn’t already. I despair the thought of what he will do to other women. I imagine there is a long, long line of women before me who have suffered terribly at his hands.

I hope that I can get to a place of thriving again as at the moment I am a depressed and damaged shell of the person I was.

[Author]

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