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Does it make any sense for someone to hurt themselves to show you they care about you?
I’m just wondering because I started to really go downhill last year, and I think because of that I became more hopeless in myself, and felt like he didn’t care about me and couldn’t be bothered to work on the relationship.
He hated me saying that he didn’t care, and he hated when I pointed out his lying behaviour. So he said he’d punish himself until I realised that he did care. One night in particular he started slapping himself on his face. I’m really upset to write about this because it was horrible to see.
I told him that wasn’t a form of care and he was scaring me. I told him I didn’t want him to suffer, and I wouldn’t agree to that because I wouldn’t accept that as care. And how maybe he shouldn’t be with me because I felt like me and the relationship were exacerbating his self-loathing.
He couldn’t get me to accept that lying to me was caring, and said he literally could not live thinking of himself as a liar who doesn’t care.
I realise now that perhaps he placed a lot of internal pressure on me when he said things like I saved him from himself, only to behave like that. I think maybe that’s why I ended up feeling like I was failing against this image he had of me.
I feel like I pity him, trying hard to show me his care in such a messed up way, but never really listening to or accepting the help I kept trying to give.
It’s amazing how many times I tried to discuss getting out of the relationship (even though I desperately wanted things to be better) and all his convincing and pleading, only to drop me as he has done? I still don’t really have the words for that.
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No, that’s not showing care and I think you know that already.
He was trying to get to you give even more of yourself to him than you already had. You invested yourself in him and he did these things to get deeper into your thoughts.
Now he is out of your life and you need to care for your own needs. They don’t think like we do. They don’t act like we do and constantly analysing his behaviour isn’t going to heal your pain.
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Sometimes things just creep into my mind and I end up thinking about them anyway. I don’t know why I’m finding it so hard to accept, but as you said our thinking patterns are very different. I feel like some kind of explanation would help to heal me, but in reality it probably wouldn’t. Probably because there is no explanation, and if there is one it’ll be an excuse. I’ve never really been able to get an answer out of him, I don’t know why I have this stupid hope that he’ll give me one now.
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