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Hi all, I’m sorry I’ve not been able to help or support anyone lately. I seem to have hit a wall. I achieved so much last year and really felt on a high at the end of the year. I had a lovely Christmas day with the children and then I crashed. I became really ill and I’m struggling to recover. I’ve gone back to work (probably too soon) but I feel exhausted. Maybe it’s just the illness but I’m isolating myself and feeling very detached emotionally. Im struggling even to post on here. Being ill really highlighted how alone I am and I felt vulnerable. It feels like all the stress from the last few years getting away from my ex and my parents has hit me now I can relax. Hopefully I’ll recover my strength and be able to connect with people again and start to enjoy my real freedom at last. Sending love and strength to you all x*x
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You are the most important person, Peaceful Pig. Look after yourself well.
The therapy will surface lots of emotions over time, which you probably never felt.
Be patient with yourself.
We all understand.The circulating bugs do not help either. I had a number of infections since the winter started. This shows how run down we are from the lives we had.
When you are ill and feel helpless, there is online food and you can ring social services if you get completely stuck. All this is better than being with someone who makes your life miserable.
Feel better soon! xx
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Bless you all for being so kind. I’m not really unhappy more relieved and perhaps a bit more grieving. I think maybe my body is discharging all the negative energy now I’m healing and some enforced quiet time is what I needed. It’s a different tiredness to the previous hyperalert, anxious exhaustion, I’m actually relaxed which is great! That’s the thing confused, nothing’s been happening for the first time in forever! I don’t even have counselling to cope with anymore which though it was amazingly helpful is a relief.
I’m lucky that I’m rarely ill, I see a homeopath who manages to keep me pretty well through it all. I guess that’s why I was unprepared, illness isn’t an option with no one else to care for the kids. It did scare me to be too ill to look after them. I definitely won’t be calling social services to help, they’d probably call my ex!! I do need to think about a contigency plan in case it happens again, maybe a rota of people who could help me. I’m a bit rubbish at asking for help once I start feeling sorry for myself! Old habits die hard. You’re absolutely right though Ayanna, compared with the abusers I would rather be alone any day, however ill I am. At least I can be ill in peace xx -
Hi PP,
Poor you.
There’s some nasty bugs going around. I was floored before Christmas: literally couldn’t get out of bed for days, and it took weeks to get back to normal. In that time, I felt a bit isolated- my mum had gone away, people couldn’t really come near me as I was so was infectious, etc!
It reminded me of whenever I was really ill when with my ex, how he’d treat me with impatience and neglect me totally. Like au was come appliance that wasn’t working properly it doing its job that he got frustrated with or abandoned.
But then I thought : yes, but one big difference is that he’s not here. So I don’t have to worry that he’s getting annoyed that I am in bed, and I don’t have to worry about how he’s treating the kids whilst so am out of action, etc. I just lay in bed for days, too ill to move. My eldest came in and said ‘Mum, aren’t you getting up?!’ and I proudly and assertively said ‘No, I am very ill, and I an staying here until I am properly better!’ How good it felt to say that without guilt or fear for the consequences! If I was ever ill or out of action, my ex punished me for it!
I hope you get better soon. Take it easy, lots and lots of rest. Enjoy your freedom to recover without anyone else trying to make you feel guilty for not running on full cylinders.
Yes, it’s a good idea to think of two or three emergency contacts you could call on in an emergency- maybe other mums? You could offer to be their emergency contact too.
I read a lovely article the other day about how us mums rely upon our ‘pack’ – a group of mums who we can rely on to help out in all kind of situations and whose company we enjoy too. Every mum needs a pack. I relied on my pack, even when I was married. As even then I trusted my women friends more than my husband.
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I was thinking the same the other day, PP.
You get used to all the drama, and even though you can’t beat the drama for one moment longer, when you don’t have it, there is a big ‘gap’ – you either feel it is an ominous silence, and you half expect something bad to happen, or you feel a kind of ‘deadness’ – like something should be happening.
It’s because we got so used to living on edge.
It takes time, but those silences and stretches of time without abuse and drama do become more normal to you, and you can eventually relax into the peace.
It’s been nearly (removed by moderator) years for me since he went, and it’s only just sunk in that he’s not coming back. For the past couple of years, I have been half expecting him to walk in through the door.
It takes time for that feeling of danger skerry to leave you, and for your hours to feel your own again and enjoyable.
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