Sick and tired of this

[Shattered-soul]

I have been on this forum serveral years ago due to a physical and emotionally absuive relationship I had with my children’s father. I eventually managed to leave and no longer have contact but over the years Iv found myself getting back into relationships with the same type of men.

I decided to stay single and was happy that way, then I met this guy who was so nice and seemed to be everything go was looking for in someone, he also was a parent so I felt he understood better than men who hadn’t had children. He was sweet and attentive and constantly telling me things that made me feel good, (detail removed by moderator) months down the line and he changed, suddenly he would speak to me one day and not the next, then he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore, I went to his for a drink and had a bit too much, the next morning he spoke normally and said he had taken advantage of me and laughed, yet later on that day he said I was horrible when drunk, a week later he changed it to he was just annoyed that I had passed out and left him on his own.

Then he decided we should just be friends, when I said I needed time to get my head round it he couldn’t understand why and said I should just accept that we were friends. He said I was pretty much anybody’s and that put him off me.

Couple of weeks down the line again and he decided he wanted back with me, I stupidly said ok and within a few days he was complaining that I wasn’t spending enough time with him and he wasn’t sure again, we had made plans and he cancelled them the same day they were meant to happen, this meant things went funny but he promised to sort things when he got back, then at the weekend I got a load of abuse via messages, saying he couldn’t trust me, that I shouldn’t go out and drink, that I’m horrible, that I should move in with him so he could sort it, so that was it I stopped responding then the next day came the apologises and since then he’s been begging me to take him back saying he needs me and that he can’t let me escape.

I have never felt so over the place 😞 I’m paranoid that he’s controlling as he has admitted he likes things to go how he wants them too, I don’t know if I’m being silly and over reacting it’s hard to explain in a message, what do you think?

[Shattered-soul]

Sorry I realise how petty this sounds and Iv missed out quite a few things to avoid it being identifiable

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Shattered Soul, it doesn’t sound petty at all. It reminds me quite a lot of my ex, we split  (detail removed by moderator)months ago and have zero contact on both sides and I no longer have any of this ‘crazy making’. I think it would help you to read the books by HG Tudor, free to read on Amazon. They explain about processes with these men: 1. Love bombing (everything is wonderful, you are the best thing since sliced bread, you are soulmates 2. Devaluation. The texting reduces and sometimes you are ignored, subtle critisms start to creep in, you are blamed for 100% of every problem, you feel he is going cold which makes you pursue 3. Discard. He drops you like a ton of bricks, leaving you high & dry. 4. Hoover, he pursues you and the cycle starts up again. All through this, after the love bombing stage, you have gas lighting which confuses the hell out of you together with Intermittent Reinforcement and Power & Control. Please also have a look at 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships, this too is free to read on Amazon. Funnily enough I am out of the relationship now and my feelings are no longer confused, walking on eggshells or feeling worthless. X*X

[Ayanna]

Hi, this guy is playing mind games galore.
Also the situation when he said he took advantage of you. If that is true it was rape.
He sounds like a typical abuser according to your description.
If I were you I would give him the sack for good. There are so many men available.
I think you should look around for a better one.

[Shattered-soul]

Thanks for your responses I honestly feel like I’m losing the plot and completely drained, he keeps throwing things at me saying I don’t care enough and why am I not making him feel better, he’s really making me feel bad but I don’t know what to do, I’m literally at my wits end, I feel weak again 😞

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Shattered Soul, i’m out now, (detail removed by moderator) months of being on my own.

When I was with him: high sexual energy, amazing sex life; felt ok ish; moderate excitement at seeing him (to begin with); felt obliged/duty bound; lied to; mistrustful; keeping secrets; possibly cheating on me; I felt deeply anxious & suspicious; started seeing & hearing things; I felt worthless; fat & ugly; I felt lower than anything, that he was too good for me. Last 3 or 4 almost sectioned due to covert mental abuse & gas lighting.

Now i’m single; No more sex or hundreds of text messages; feel inner contentment, positive about where my life is going, no more severe anxiety or suspician, steady good and bad days, no massive highs & lows, normal feelings.

[Healthyarchive]

I meant the last 3 or 4 months that I was with him.

[Shattered-soul]

Yeah I had that feeling before when I left the children’s father, it was such a massive weight off my shoulders and I eventually managed to stand on my own two feet. I genuinely never seen it with this guy, I thought he was too good for me, now I feel worthless 😞 And stupid for letting someone else make me feel so bad

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