- This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
As you ladies know, I am several years out.
From the moment I left, my birth family revealed a different side to themselves and basically aside from one family member, refused to support me and my child emotionall and supported my ex instead.
Since last year and a ‘misunderstanding’ with remaining family member – after which they insisted I apologise (I didn’t see what I had to apologise for…) they asked me not to contact them. Which I didn’t. Christmas came and went…six months went by…
I carried on doing the single parent thing with my teenager (sometimes happy, sometimes tough) without a word from them.
This week I check my old phone and there was a missed call from them. I texted back to say new number – and that I didn’t take video calls. Rightly or wrongly I asked my teenager to text them just to say hello (after they hadn’t heard anything from them for six months odd…)
In my heart of hearts, right now I don’t want to see or hear from them ever again. I was so sick of being blamed for some sort of interaction or something I had alledgedly done. The six months has been accxompanied by a sense of freedom as they had seemed to indicate I couldn’t manage without them strange sort of dynamic and an email I had received last year detailing everything they had ‘done’ for me after I left for refuge.
At the time I could only say ‘the way you are writing it sounds like you did it all yourself’. Told a friend about the email and they said ‘was she keeping a tally?
Said person texted my child back but not me…I am so sick of being blamed for existing. Why did I bother in the first place? Telling myself I still have choices, actually I don’t want to know this person anymore…right now and the way I feel, ever. Feel it is so dysfuncational. Can’t anybody acknowledge how well I have done to get to this point in our lives with my teenager (aside from you ladies of course…)
I don’t think I do nuclear families anymore…they seem so dysfuncational…
Any thoughts welcome
ftc
x -
-
Hi ftc, I am sorry that this family member didn’t treat you right. And if you felt better without being in contact with them, it is totally your right to continue to do so. Even if you have contacted them again, you can start afresh with ‘no contact’. It is the same treatment as with our abusers. When we break the no contact rule, for the x times, we can always go back to no contact. Don’t respond anymore to them. Give them no info about yourself or your daughter. Get validation from people that truly care about you. Know in your heart that you are an amazing mother and woman. I know you seek validation from others than from here but I wanted to tell you anyway so you’ve heard it once today 💕🙂
Surround yourself with people that make you feel only the absolute best of the best. You’ll get validation and much more from them. Ditch the rest. You don’t own them anything.I look at my social life like a garden. Only with a clean garden free of bad weeds is there enough space for the sun to shine through, the water to reach the earth and for the seeds to grow. You want to look at your garden (read your social life) and see only the plants, flowers and trees that you enjoy.
And in the winter the garden is deserted. You don’t see the bad weeds. But you don’t see – yet! – the beautiful plants either. Because it takes time to grow. But once the spring is here and the summer, you see what you have planted. Plus the strong protective fence around it so no abusive person can exploit your beautiful garden ever again. 🌸🌼☘️ -
“I look at my social life like a garden. Only with a clean garden free of bad weeds is there enough space for the sun to shine through, the water to reach the earth and for the seeds to grow. You want to look at your garden (read your social life) and see only the plants, flowers and trees that you enjoy.
And in the winter the garden is deserted. You don’t see the bad weeds. But you don’t see – yet! – the beautiful plants either. Because it takes time to grow. But once the spring is here and the summer, you see what you have planted. Plus the strong protective fence around it so no abusive person can exploit your beautiful garden ever again.” 🌸🌼☘️What a lovely quote HopeLifeJoy.
I shall think of this through the dark times.
-
-
Hi ftc, sending lots of love and positivity to you. Sometimes we dip our toes back into family relationships thinking time away will improve things. But we realise it hasn’t. I suppose it’s natural to give them the benefit of the doubt, being family and all. I feel once I’m away from my oh, my family relationships won’t improve either, so will probably have to cut seeing them down as much as I can. It’s almost non existent just now due to how it creates drama in the house. I’d like to think I could have better relationships but deep down know i won’t. I’ve always been the quiet one, when if I flare up I’m accused of losing the plot, yet everyone else is allowed to. So it’ll probably be healthier to see as little of them as I can.
Try not to let it hurt, I know easier said than done. It would be just nice for once for someone who belongs to us to love us unconditionally, it’s not much to ask for.
IWMB 💕💕 -
It’s victim blaming again -long and short of it is that is their ignorance around DV , we’ve all educated ourselves so why can’t they, because it’s a blame culture its society unfortunately xx don’t take the blame you’ve actually shown them what your made of and how strong you are xx being a single parent is a tough but very rewarding part of life. Well done I think you’ve done you’re very best, that’s all anyone can possibly ask xx hold your head up high luv diymum 💪 💕
-
-
I wanted to say again how much I appreciated what you have all written. I really do. I have re read it this morning.
It sounds so obvious. But despite /or maybe because of? teenager we have a peaceful household.
I am really struck by this, because what I looked back on and left, and sadly I know you ladies who haven’t left yet, still experience this each day – obviously it was the furthest thing from peaceful.
All I can say is that I am entering a new phase now.
thanks
ftc
x
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
