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Hi ladies!!
It’s been a while since i last posted…Things are up and down but for a while things have been ok untill
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Since then he has been so weird with me and has barely spoken a work to me but often i catch him giving me really horrible glances. I have asked him a couple of times what is wrong but he says nothing is wrong. I will not pander to his silly moodswings as i have done soooo much in the past i just won’t, so for now i am acting normal and getting on woth it. Is that the right thing to do???When he has these moods its awful. It is like a black cloud is always around, he is so moody and so sulky. i can not bear it! He is acting like i have done something so terrible and i havn’t but at the same time won’t tell me what!! What do i do!!
I will add he has been emotionaly, verbally and physically abusing in the past but mainly emo/verbal. We can go months were things are totally normal then he goes like this again.
Advice please?? Sorry fornthe massive essay x*x
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This is ownership he thinks he owns you. No one has the right to this. That’s his thinking possession isn’t love and I learned that the hard way. He is thinking she is mine and how dare another man even look at you. What he’s not realised is that trust is the foundation to any relationship. His thinking is way off and you know will resent him. If I wore something my ex felt was revealing he would throw his dinner at the wall! I ended up hating him built up resentment had me wishing I’d never met him worse probably which isn’t really me! Don’t loose yourself ever for anyone call the help line xx
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Passive aggression is awful. As you say it’s like a dark cloud. He’s inflicting his misery and deep sense of inferiority onto the atmosphere in your home and onto you. Another form of emotional abuse. Keep a journal of his behaviour. You might start to see the in the seemingly more normal times things aren’t so good then either. I guess you have to ask yourself if this is really how you want to live your life? His behaviour isn’t normal x
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You are doing the right thing in carrying on with your day and ignoring his silent treatment. As he’s doing this he’s secretly looking at you enjoying you feeling uncomfortable and knowing this is affecting you. I would enjoy this silent period. Don’t give him the satisfaction of trying to jolly him out of it or ask him what’s wrong. I used to beg my mum roaring crying to please speak to me aged 14 when she would silent treatment me for weeks and be extra living to my brother. Another time aged 16 my friends to this day remember my distress when I broke down in school saying my mum hadn’t spoken to me for a few weeks. Bad enough doing it to an adult but how cruel to do it to a child. If I knew then what I know now I’d have enjoyed the peace and quiet. Abusers can’t stay quiet for long just as it’s very hard to lose an abuser… so unfortunately the ST won’t last for long. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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It’s strange one moment i love the silent treatment for many reasons, number one not bein pestered for sex! Although it does stress me out the next second…Not that i let him see that, i have learned how to deal with it.
He is just so miserable sometimes, everything is a problem…It’s almost like he thinks the world and everyone in it owes him something.
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That’s it in a nutshell. They think the world owes them something. Can’t stand to see us happy and getting on because of their own inner issues so they do what they can to get us down. I too like silent treatment because I have peace but then I never know when he might burst through the door to rant at me. It’s totally miserable and exhausting. It’s like we are their emotional punch bags.
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What do you hope to gain by saying something to him? Abusers don’t want to have a healthy, functional relationship. All they want is power and control. If you say something what will he say/do? No doubt give some sob story about it being your fault perhaps or go off on one.
My husband also breaks the silent treatment when he wants to have sex. Every act serves them and them only.
Keep a journal and you’ll see patterns emerge. -
O yes same here. Just recently I have started playing him at his own game. I used to beg him to talk to me but now when he is silent I am too. Isn’t this quiet nice I think to myself. I also think what it’s doing to the kids because the eldest 2 were playing and he said something to upset his little sister and he just said I didn’t want you to play with me anymore.
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Have you ladies heard of the grey rock method. I used this in the lead up to before I left my oh. Learn to be the best actress ever. Also as mummygirz is noticing his behaviour is impacting on how her children act with each other. Children repeat what they see, this behaviour is what they learn, it’s how they believe adults behave to each other. To stop them repeating the cycle of abuse we have to take them out of the toxic environment. These men will never wake up one day and think they have to be nicer, they have behaved this way since forever, the only ones who can change the cycle are us.
Take care everyone, best wishes IWMB 💞💞
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