Silent treatment

[Risingup]

Hi,

I haven’t posted for a while….but i need some advice. I discovered a few months a go that my partner had been behaving inappropriately with some female friends. He assured me nothing happed but he constantly humiliates me….he can also be verbally, emotionally abusive. He throws and has shoved me out of the way a few times. I only realised I was in an abusive relationship a few months ago after (detail removed by moderator)….before that I generally believed there was something wrong with me.
Anyway after discovering his inappropriate behaviour (cheating), I have started to call his behaviour out and from the advice of a book I’ve been telling him to stop every time he is verbally abusive this has led to a few arguments where in the past I would have ignored comments….the most recent incident was a minor comment where I joked about one of his interests. He went mad and picked up a (detail removed by moderator) and threw it at me. It hit me on the arm and burnt my skin. The next day complete silent treatment. It’s horrible it’s been (detail removed by moderator) and not a word to me.

I’m now in a state of desperation and I don’t know what to do? He’s talking to our children! I’m just feeling so low and I even broke down at work yesterday and had to be comforted by a colleague. The thing is I’ve (detail removed by moderator) and I need to set a good impression I need this job for myself and children future.

Xx

[Wiseafter]

Hi Risingup, help is out there. Please ring the National Domestic Abuse helpline, or Women’s Aid (keep trying, it can take a few times before you get through but don’t give up) tell them what has happened and be guided by them in terms of support and next steps. I did this and it was enormously helpful. You can also talk to your GP and explain what has happened, your GP may be able to refer you to support locally, particularly if you have been hurt by your partner. I have experienced silent treatment and it is a form of abuse. It made me feel terrible and low and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this from your partner, along with everything else. I hope you get some support and help soon, keep posting and remember you are not alone. Others who have experienced something similar may have some more detailed advice for you as I am not an expert, just a fellow survivor.

[Risingup]

Thank you for your reply! It means a lot to have someone write back and here my cry. After the week long silent treatment, he had an abusive outburst. He told me I was becoming aggressive and that if I behave like that again he would leave me. Here goes the cycle. I am starting to feel stronger and I have made an appointment with my GP. Hopefully on the road to getting the help I need.
Hugs to all you other women out there xx

[Watersprite]

Hi Risingup Just wanted to say he sounds really abusive and you deserve so much better and your children deserve a calm and stable home. The cycle you describe is so classic. He is blame-shifting and calling you out for his own behaviour. This twisting is gas lighting no wonder you are feeling upset at work. There is no point in reasoning with these personality types In my experience they only get worse and when they sense they are losing control it can get really unsafe. Call women’s aid reach out for support. You are further on than you realise – you have made an appointment with your GP and seen that what is happening is not ok x Keep moving forwards safely

[Risingup]

Thank you Watersprite, what your saying about blame shifting makes perfect sense! I did think it was very strange that he called me aggressive, it’s even laughable when you think of his behaviour….I never realised that abusive partners call you out for their behaviour! But now you’ve brought it to my attention it’s spot on.

I’m sharing my experiences with friends and my mum with whom I’m so lucky to have their full support. I can see that his behaviour is escalating and I’m spending as little time at home as possible. I’m aware that this is the most dangerous time, so I’m reaching out as much as possible.

Hugs to you all xx

[Author]

Posts