Silent Treatment

[Peacethroughhealing]

Has anyone else’s partner given the silent treatment as in gone AWOL. I don’t live with him and after he screamed in my face again last week I decided that was it. He text and called me that evening and the next day to see if I’d got home okay and I ignored him. I’ve not heard anything from him since. I have been sleeping and eating so I know deep down that no contact is thd best thing but if these men want to be in control then why is he not trying to get in touch and bombarding me. Has he just given up? Maybe he does have someone else or maybe that’s what he wants me to think.

[KIP.]

They have many ways of keeping control. Silent treatment is only one of them. He’s in your head and you’re still thinking about him so his silent treatment is working. They want us constantly thinking about them. I think the silent treatment will end when he feels you’ve been punished enough. He may try to get back with you just to painfully dump you or he may try to hoover you to continue his abuse. Triangulation is also another possibility. That’s what my ex did. He will let you know if there’s someone else. Another tactic used to try and make us jealous and we are supposed to come running back. Whatever his intentions are, at the moment he is keeping your thoughts on him. Try not to concern yourself with his motives and possible actions and concentrate on the fact that you’ve been brave enough to end an abusive relationship and keep looking forward in a direction well away from him.

[Peacethroughhealing]

Thanks for all of your advice so far KIP. I know that it’s the right thing to do but I am still going to miss him. I’ve managed not to get in contact so that’s a step forward. He works in the same industry so I am going to see him at some point soon when he is back in. It would be better not to lay eyes on him again to be honest as I do feel myself drawing away from him this time. I really don’t want to get drawn into all the c..p again and I do think that he is clever and knows better than to keep harassing me with contact although he didn’t know better when he grabbed my throat or held me in a car for 6 hours. Oh and he shouted at me that he had held me in the car because I looked at his phone. 6 hours of terror and punishment for that and the punishment is still going on.

[KIP.]

All you are missing is the nice parts of him which are fake. It’s normal to miss that part of any relationship. The real person he is terrorises you. I would consider a non harassment order so that he cannot approach you at work. Get some free legal advice about that. You shouldn’t have to see him again x

[fizzylem]

Hi PTH, it’s a good thing he’s not trying to contact you really, gives you the space you need, it would be even more difficult for you if he were bombarding you. This is what the end looks like hey, you don’t see one another. You need time to adjust to not having him in your life now. The pain of the loss can lead us into longing and imagining all sorts of things. Sometimes it is the pain of the loss and feeling so sad that it’s over and that we won’t see him again that leads us into letting him back in – when what you need to do is ride it out – letting him back only prolongues the end and creates more suffering. You also feel utterly dreaful for not having listened to your self respect.

I think it’s really important here that you stick with what your head has decided, ‘I’m done’. Try to recognise what it is you feel you are missing, as I suspect a big part of it is that you miss having a relationship with someone there, sharing your life, planning things together? The relatiosnhip you always hoped you’d have one day? It’s highly likely you never really had this with him – did you? What you got was stress and abuse and you don’t miss that at all. Letting go of the hope for a brighter day and the relationship you hoped it would be is a big part of it – it’s an awakening process.

Keep going hun, you can do this, try to focus on you. Look after you now. Tell yourself I really dont care what he is up to – NMP! (Not my problem anymore!), even if emotionally you don’t quite feel this just yet, you can still work towards feeling this way by telling yourself this and taking charge of your emotions. Feel the pain yes, but don’t let this pain guide you, use it to help you better understand yourself and your loss x

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