21st January 2016 at 8:23 pm #8109FinkleParticipant
I’m considering going back to see my husband for a night. I’ve been away from him for about a week now, and I want to see what he will be like. Stupidly I miss him as well. The thing that worries me, is that every thing I have read about abuse says that they get worse if they think you will leave. I’m worried that if I go back, and then want to leave again he stop me from going. I’m unsure of what to do now
21st January 2016 at 9:08 pm #8112Twisted SisterParticipant
i don’t know if this is your first post, but well done for posting and sharing your experience.
I feel stupid, and i’ve heard many others say that of themselves too, but its natural to miss the strength of feeling you once had for him, to be alone when you have been together, but you are not being stupid in missing him, you are knowing that feeling and realising he is a risk to you at the same time, and thats a different thing. The fact that this is worrying you shows you what you know to be a concern, that to go to him would be risky is what you are saying, but it doesn’t make it easy not to go.
A lot of what happens after leaving is this building strength that you have developed and need to fall back on to keep you safe.
one things for certain, it does get worse once their grip on you is threatened, and their only way of clawing back the control is to increase the threat as i know to my cost, which is what you have already heard.
Noone can tell you what to do, thats what comes with freedom, but it can take some getting used to making your own decisions on what your gut instincts tell you.
Its so awesome that you have left, as thats not easy! it takes a huge amount of strength and guts to do, well done for making that break, its such a huge step for your future away from abuse.
warmest wishes ks xx
22nd January 2016 at 9:41 am #8126LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for your brave and honest post. I am pleased to see that you have had a lovely, supportive reply from Karmasister. No one here will tell you what to do or judge you for your actions but it does sound like you have done brilliantly just to get away from him and sadly we do all know for a fact that abuse escalates after returning. He will want to punish you and also to knock your confidence right down so that you feel it is harder to leave him again. Try to remember that it is always sad and hard ending any relationship but actually leaving someone who doesn’t respect you is a gain, not a loss. Time is a great healer and you have to be honest with yourself and trust your gut, you sound like you are afraid of him and is that really an ingredient you want in your relationship? Perhaps some time without contact from him would help?
We are all here for you so please keep posting to let us know how you are.
22nd January 2016 at 9:59 am #8130Confused123Participant
Think i have read one of your post before your name is ringing bell but i cant remember your full scenario, no dont go back to him, when we leave its shocking how much we miss them, even though we r releifed to be away from the abuse, we have this strong urge to be close to them. stay well away from him hun, think of why u left in the first place, what makes u think he could of changed, sorry if i sound harsh but these men dont change, u got out , i would advise u to stay out, it will be even harder to escape second time as he will be on more guard and why risk how he could hurt u, these men r just good for breaking our self esteem, they dont care about our feelings, for while he might be mr nice, but loads of ladies have said they revert bk, Myself it took me years before i could fianlly leave, even after i left he didnt change , have been out (detail removed by moderator) and in between of trying to get me bk he now openly says is over me and would never have me bk. feels like a slap on face, but hey i need to hear to make me keep away, i tell myself daily this man is toxic for me, they say time is healer,i dont forgey why i left, reduces me to tear when i think about it,but hey hun if thats what i have to do protect myself let it hurt, they r like a toxic drug for us, we have to wean ourselves of them, i would of never known if previous suriviors hadnt told me, so the advice that help me i will pass on, when we feeling low we need right support to tell us why no to go bk, dont worry if u miss him i stil get days where i miss mine, god knows why,and my best friends says have u forgotten what he did cause if u have think again whats under that lovely face and voice . try and do no conact, i struggled so much but when i did the difference it makes is amazing, every day is a different kind of battle,i still have loads to fight , but unless us ladies support each another and encourage us to open about it this cycle will not stop , abuse can happen to anyone, just talk about how u feel to us
22nd January 2016 at 4:19 pm #8147FinkleParticipant
Thank you for the responses. I’m not going to go back. I thought that maybe he was trying to change, but he just told me to get over him threatening me because it was just words and he’s gotten over it so I’m just jepordizing our future. I’m glad I’m jepordizing our future because I don’t want a future with someone like him
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