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I am incredibly ashamed to say, I feel I have been sucked back into the abusive relationship cycle even though I am no longer in the relationship and left last year.
My ex partner has been in contact and I have been engaging – I stated to him I no longer want to speak to him after a few days of conversations, of course it turned into a nastiness. I should have just blocked him there and then instead of entertaining it but I found myself continuously trying to explain the abuse and how it had impacted me. He kept repeating how he was changing (ironic as he was nasty to me in these messages), how he was going to sort himself out and how we are going to get married and have children. Absolutely delusional. I did block in the end. Everything he has said is worming around my brain, I know it’s not true but it was a dream we once shared a lot time ago. I keep stating I am uncomfortable with speaking to him, that it is making me very unwell which it is. Now I need to start this no-contact journey all over again and I am feeling very weak. I feel as vulnerable as when I first left despite achieving so much since leaving. I am an emotional wreck and my reality has been altered by this abuser once again.
It’s made me feel as if I’ve lost my strength and resilience, that helped me keep no contact for all those months and I do not know what to do moving forward. I am looking for any advice and guidance. Please.
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I learned a very harsh lesson too but no experience is wasted if we learn from it. So look on it as a reinforcement of why these men are so toxic. Why zero contact is your best friend. I wasn’t going to go back again to let him stomp on my heart and that’s what I kept telling myself. Your brain has worked out just how toxic he is but your heart and the trauma bond are pulling you in a different direction. My advice is to report him to the police if there is any more unwanted contact. That way I burned my bridges too. I was way less likely to engage again if the police were involved. Women return on average 7 times to an abusive relationship so there is no shame. Just go back to day 1 and try to stay positive. Once again he’s proved he’s abusive just be contact. You deserve better x block him on everything. Take back control x it will make you feel stronger in the long run. Meantime it’s a rollercoaster to recovery but you will get there x
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Thank you, you’re right. I already feel a lot better. He is blocked on absolutely everything and has no way to contact me. I’ve taken today for myself, had a good cry (my period has arrived too). I’ve done my yoga, attended acupuncture. I am feeling stronger. I can do this. Thank you for your support <3
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