- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by siba.
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26th January 2020 at 8:24 am #96495HalfwayoutParticipant
Slow Legal System
Can anyone tell me why the legal system takes so long to help victims of abuse? Having spent several years trying to get physically exout of the home of an abusive relationship then get financial settlement. I now still have to push to sell the family home, him still in it before finally applying for divorce.
Every step of the way my ex has resisted and his solicitor has never pushed for answers thus leaving me to push my solicitor (costs incurred) to get answers.
(detail removed by moderator)
I totally get solicitors need to work out which of the two parties is the abuser & victim (they’ve seen it in my case) but why are the abusers never held accountable?
My rant is over, only wish this fight was. -
26th January 2020 at 2:51 pm #96502fizzylemParticipant
Its rubbish isnt it HWO, slow, arduous, painful and utterly stressful. Try to focus on what you can do and let go of what you can’t. I imagine the solicitor is struggling to ‘manage’ him as well don’t you? Leaves us feeling over ready for the end for sure, that day will have to come at some point though won’t it, this is what I tell myself. Sounds like you are doing all you can. Yes it took my solicitor a while to see what is going on, guess they can only gather bits of info at a time, digest and consider it. They seem in no hurry do they, guess because theyve been here a hundreds time before and know how long it can take. Hang in there, seems to me you’ve accomplished a lot and this is the last hurdle now? For me if feels I darent yet dream of a life free of him, almost there but not quite yet and until that day comes there can be no relief felt or fresh beginings hey. Dont know about you but I’m thinking I will need a few weeks to come to terms with it being over when it does come, some time to stay still and take it all in and savour the dawn x
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26th January 2020 at 5:28 pm #96516HalfwayoutParticipant
Thanks @fizzlyem, I totally agree about needing time to get over it. I’ve put my life on hold for the time we’ve been separating. Whether I will be able to walk down the street without looking out for him, that could take a while, but the freedom in a abuse free house is worth it. There’s a lot of self help and self love yet.
Hang in there, our time will come. xx -
26th January 2020 at 5:36 pm #96521HettyParticipant
You’ve done amazing to get this far. I’m just at the beginning. I’m busy looking for a house for me and my son. There’s no way I’ll get my husband out this house and the mortgage is in his name. I’m going to have to leave with basics and start again. I’m dreading what’s to come 😢
Once you’re finally sorted financially you can properly start to heal but an abuse free home is totally priceless xx -
26th January 2020 at 6:30 pm #96523CecileParticipant
Yep going through similar now. Only leverage I have is to tell him all the slowness is costing him money because I will make him pay. It’s like pulling teeth. I seem to be taking one step forward and 2 backwards with each legal move and I have to keep worrying at my solicitor like a cross terrier. Just adds to the scandal of little or no services or political planning to help victims of coercive control and male violence. It all seems to be part of the great British institution.
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26th January 2020 at 10:38 pm #96553HalfwayoutParticipant
Good luck Hettie, hope you find a safe haven, I can say ours is. My grown up daughter commented on the confidence she has gained in the months we’ve been out, her dad still tries to mess with her mind.
Totally agree Cecile, how can they do it, we are still the victims. -
6th February 2020 at 4:08 pm #97232sibaParticipant
(detail removed by moderator) Just got a bill from mine and I can’t believe that they asked me to take proof of ID documents in to them and they’ve charged me £(detail removed by moderator) for the 10 mins or so it took them to photocopy the things!
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