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I was dreading mediation it was horrible and we didn’t achieve much but he has agreed not to access family home and returned key, he’s agreed to supervised access with his family. He made up lies to make me look like an unfit mother told them I was mentally unstable. Well after that I went out with some friends starting having a panicky moment after something unpredictable happened. Panic attacks are an odd thing but I did something brave and decided to explain to sone friends what has been happening. They were so kind and it’s the first time I don’t feel like a total failure. Finally after a good amount of time I have the full support of friends and loved ones who support my decision to end the marraige. They feel they let me down as they didn’t realise how bad it was but I was good at covering it up and putting on a brave face. I never understood the abuse but I’m beginning to now. Now I know I’m not mad. I’m not scared that I will be blamed for it all.
I had years of hurt and confusion because I didn’t understand what was happening. But I feel ready for the next step in my recovery. I don’t want to live in fear for the rest of my life and I feel so lucky. I feel loved by people that I know don’t want to control me and hurt me and make me feel unsafe. It’s a good feeling. -
His behaviour was so normal to me so didn’t recognise it for what it was. But soon as someone said something it hit home that it wasn’t normal to feel like I did.
I’m slowly talking more about it . I’ve got a close circle of friends but only confided in one near end.
But I’ve confided in more friends and the support has been invaluable.Enjoy the feeling xx
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