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Hi everyone I don’t even know where to begin with this one but here goes. Due to various health conditions and the constant emotional abuse Sex has been the last thing on my mind for quite some time now. But I’d say it has been mainly because of the health issues including hormones as well as physical problems. I only kind of got on to the fact I was in a bad relationship (removed by moderator) months ago Anyway it’s now been (details removed by moderator) since we slept together. As usual it’s all about her and how hard done by she is, I already feel so inadequate as a wife and a woman that I don’t have any sex drive and she knows all of this and has been to Dr’s appointments with me (I don’t go alone) she keeps saying that I don’t think about her or her needs. I’m constantly accused of sleeping with other people when I don’t go out or anywhere alone I can’t even go for a walk alone!! So a few weeks ago I was asleep and woke up to find her masterbating next to me but I wasn’t certain as I feel back asleep and only remembered the next day, I’m on strong medication that knocks me out, so a (removed by moderator) she asks me if I want a threesome W*F, I was so offended. So then (removed by moderator) I woke up again to her coughing and she was definitely masterbating next to me!! It’s took everything I’ve got not to react to her as she was so loud and even poked me as if to wake me up!! I don’t know what I’m meant to do with this but I feel sick and so angry that she is disrespecting me so much I want out of this now. Sorry for such a long rant xx
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Sounds like it’s not mainly the health problems to me, that it is equally or maybe even more so the resentment and how you feel? You’re not in the space for tenderness and loving; you’re saying you’ve got nothing to give. I used to feel like this when in an abusive relationship, some folk can switch it on and off, some still fancy him/her so can and want to, some just switch off and lie back, but for me, once I had tolerated the abuse for too long, my desire to have sex completely vanished, and do you know why, because I didnt want him – it’s perhaps not as complex as it feels / seems. The envirnmental factors that set us up for sex are not present are they here.
She’s blaming this on you and thus not helping is she, perhaps if she were to be more considerate and helping, care for you when you are unwell, this would lead you to feeling close and thus into having sex when you felt a bit better.
Taking care of a loved one when they are ill is probably about the most loving act possible – where’s the love and care here for you? The help? The relax, I can take care of the other stuff for a while etc. When we love someone its nt the sex we crave, it’s the feeling close, when you care for someone you love when they are ill this can bring you feeling very close to each other, because one is vulnerable and being completely held by the other.
Rather than bring you closer together what this is doing is driving you further apart – because when in a relationship with a N or abuser, it’s all about them – I have needs here, my needs need meeting, you’re not meeting my needs – sounds like this is what’s happening here to me x
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Hi fizzylem thank you for replying to me. It might sound silly but it wasn’t until about 6 months ago that I realised what type of relationship I was in, before this I wanted to fix things I would have walked to the ends of the earth for her but your right because of everything that’s going on I don’t really want to now. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been married for (removed by moderator) and together for over (removed by moderator) years and when I look back even at the beginning all of the signs where there I think I just chose to ignore them and I feel so stupid and angry at myself. Slowly I was pulled away from all my friends and family, the finances got controlled I don’t get any money of my own. In the past when I’ve questioned things there’s been that much arguing that I just stopped questioning and started falling for all the lies and BS the gaslighting is unreal and she gets other family members involved in it, she is such a good actress it makes me feel sick. I think I’m scared to tell anyone about any of this as no one would believe a word I would say. It’s hard for me to try and write everything on here as I don’t get time alone or she is over my shoulder she hates me being on my phone I’m sick to death of being accused of sleeping with other people. As for her doing this to herself next to me what the hell am I supposed to do about it as I’m not putting up with this or am I wrong for thinking like that?? I feel so alone she knows I have no one to talk to. I feel like she’s pushing me to see how far she can get I just don’t know.
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