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    • #137480
      Kitkat44
      Participant

      Hi all,
      So the plan is almost finalised. There is a chance my children won’t come with me. I’ve been advised by my IDVA and SW that I should go alone if necessary. I will have to trust that our SW will be keeping an eye on my children and she will visit asap to make sure all is ok.
      Obviously this is the last thing I want but it’s a sign to me that I actual feel so so desperate that leaving without my children is preferable to being in the same house as my husband any longer than necessary.
      So I feel scared and worried but also excited that freedom and peace are close.
      Anyone else had to go alone even for a short time? My husband isn’t physically abusive to me it’s emotional, psychological and controlling. I absolutely know that they are better off with me but can also see why they are scared to leave and step into the unknown as I have been.
      Sending love xx

    • #137482
      Strongenough
      Participant

      Hi,

      Well done for having your plan finalised. I don’t have any advice on leaving without kids but I do know the feeling of having the plan finalised and just needing to take the plunge. I had thoughts of not going through with it but like you knew that really there was no other bearable option. You have been so brave so far and just have that final step to take. I hope that everything works out for you and your kids and you get the peace and freedom you all deserve xx

    • #137485
      iliketea
      Participant

      Sending you strength and courage for the next bit, and a big well done. It takes strength to get where you are. Mine were too young to have a choice, I didn’t tell them, we just left. Could you bribe yours? In all honesty? My feeling is – and this is only based on a personal feeling not experience, only second hand experience – I would have them leave too so he doesn’t have a chance to get into their heads with stuff about you. There was another woman – on a different forum – where her child did stay, old enough to be asked and to decide – but the husband ended up bad mouthing her to the child and it was really tough for a while. Its anecdotal as I don’t know them – just a forum story – but I can see how it could happen. I know that my ex says stuff about me even though mine are really too young to even understand the significance of what he’s saying. I wonder often if he does it knowing they will repeat to me so its just a “message” (AKA threat) for me through them. I know that probably doesn’t help you any and Im sorry, but I was just thinking long term, maybe it would be best, cleaner, easier, but of course totally depends on your children and the situation. Bribery goes a long way with children. I know its not ethical but anything to get them out maybe? But I also know how desperate you feel, and how desperate to go, I remember that feeling, and so you must do what its best for you, knowing they are older enough. Sending you lots of strength and courage for the next bit. And a big hug. Please don’t think Im being negative, I just know how horrible these men can be and not think about the impact on kids, just how hurt and bruised their egos are and they will do everything to get back at you once you have left. Mine is still doing it, after a quite a while now, I doubt it will ever end, not until kids are grown up. Sad really. xx

    • #137488
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      Kitkat, sorry, no advice on the children front, just to say I am crossing everything for you and willing you on. Please be sure to keep coming back and keeping us posted. We all have your back… you won’t regret it, I promise. Freedom is just around the corner.
      Good luck, my love x*x

    • #137490
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      A massive good luck sending you lots love n hugs let is know how you get on x

    • #137497
      Gerbil
      Participant

      Good luck KitKat44
      I will be thinking of you. X

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