22nd January 2016 at 7:47 am #8122Doglover99Participant
I should get the keys to my new flat in 3 weeks so it’s really close now. How am I going to live here for another three weeks though trying to keep the peace? My husband is getting really ratty, annoyed and angry at my son and at me for not sorting my son out. He wants him to go to his dad’s for a weekend to “give him a stressfree weekend”. Well what I wouldn’t give for a stressfree weekend myself! It’s just what I have to deal with as a parent of a troubled teenager. I know all my husband wants is to get my son out. Little does he know that he’s about to get his wish.
My son doesn’t want to go and with his fragile state of mind at the moment I want to keep him closer so I can keep an eye on him. Yes I agree he is getting out of control, testing his freedom and giving me worry but at the end of the day he is still an immature child with problems (mainly caused by his stepdad) who needs to be looked after by me. It’s what parents do for goodness sakes, I will always be there for him no matter what trouble he may get himself in. So next weekend it’s going to be battle zones here when I tell my husband that my son is going nowhere. I got away with this weekend by saying I couldn’t get hold of his dad but can’t use the same excuse next week. It won’t be pretty but I will need to stand my ground and have the phone nearby in case I need to call the police if he turns really nasty.
It is so obvious that he’s had enough of the whole situation. He is starting to resent and get angry at me now for letting the situation go on. The more I look at him though, the less I see the man I met all those years ago which actually helps me not to feel so guilty any more. He is a nasty evil man who has always treated my son awfully, causing me all these mental health problems. And he’s treated me just as badly, the few physical incidents put aside, he’s been controlling me through my son all these years. The thing is I don’t think he quite knows what to do now that I won’t do as he tells any more. He used to rule the roost, tell everyone how things were going to be and everyone just did as we were told.
I can see glimpses of my new life around the corner. Yes it will be scary being on my own with no support and I will be lonely but on the other hand, I can do what I want, don’t have to lie about my son’s actions to anyone, I can deal with them openly and hopefully my son will start to relax in his own home and actually spend some more time at home where he feels welcome.
I have another Freedom Session today. This will be a very interesting topic about bad fathers. Very appropriate in my case.
I will start moving my smaller things out of the house this weekend and hope to have 50% of it stashed away before I get the keys. Then it’s just a few big items for which I will need help, a man and a van will do. The tricky bit is arranging it for a day when I know my husband won’t be here. How can I be sure he is working though, I can’t imagine the nightmare situation if I book it for a day and he decides not to work that day, the man turns up with his van… what would I do then? I can’t even bear thinking about it.
Have a good day you lovely ladies.
PS. You know, I think my new anti anxiety medication is definitely working. I am so much less stressed now even with things still going on and I am not so down any more. 🙂
22nd January 2016 at 2:02 pm #8141Confused123Participant
YOu doing ever so well, not long to go, just focus on next few weeks starting to pre pack your stuff without him clicking on , so proud of u, and u will cope fine on your own, its not half as scary as we think it is
22nd January 2016 at 5:35 pm #8151LisaMain Moderator
Just a little note to say please get in touch with your local Women’s Aid group for some support and advice. I don’t want to frighten you but we know that leaving an abusive relationship can be a very dangerous time. Your local Women’s Aid group or the helpline can help you safety plan to ensure that you are as safe as you can be. If you feel vulnerable perhaps even think of going somewhere else for 3 weeks to be safe. Try not to worry about your stuff, a police escort can help you get it another time.
We are all here for you. Go carefully.
23rd January 2016 at 8:33 am #8168mixed-up mumParticipant
Hi Doglover – SO pleased for you and SO proud of you for getting this far – not long to go now!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
It must be do hard on you – knowing that you are leaving and yet trying to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible – so he will not suspect anything.
The thing is at the end of the day the bond between a mother and child is always there – and your husband is not the father of your son, and so he will never really understand the mother/son bond you have – a mothers love is unconditional – always and forever…….
Yes your husband will be getting annoyed with you as you are no longer doing what he wants all the time – you are no longer doing as he says – its hard on you – you are being very brave doing this but at the same time you don’t want to arrouse his suspitions that ‘something is up’ – maybe best to try and ‘keep the peace’ if possible, just ’til you are away and safe.
Yes it is a scary thought, being on your own, and the will be good times and bad times – things will crop up and you will think you can’t cope – but you are strong – you have got this far – you can, and will do it.
The freedom is SO worth it – being able to do whatever you want – whenever you want- after coming out of an abusive relationship – there is no feeling like FREEDOM!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Will he/has he not noticed that things are disappearing from the house?
Does your son know you have a flat and are leaving in 3 weeks?? Can you trust him not to say a word?
You seem really upbeat and positive, I’m please to see you so happy keep us in touch with how you are doing.
Good luck. 🙂 x*x. 🙂
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