So conflicted

[Hope2021]

So I don’t know where to start, I’ve been on this page a few years, backwards and forward in the relationship, I’m now at the stage where I literally can’t pretend anymore, I know I don’t want to be with him anymore, it’s got to the point where I look at him and just how myself for being stuck with jim. He really takes advantage of me and I always fall for the Mr Nice that pops up every now and then. But in all honesty the time in between is me on eggshells all the time, dreaming of ways in my head to escape this relationship. There’s been physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse along the way, I’m trapped. Left and come back numerous time. We both have a right to live in our house and we have children…I just want to leave. During the really bad times when I have left I started talking to my ex from before him, we’ve never ever met up, but evewytime things go bad I end up texting him again, I don’t even know if this is classed as cheating, well emotionally I suppose it is. But he treats me sooo bad, makes me feel worthless, calls me awful names then thinks he can play Mr Nice over and over and over. I’ve just secured a job, which could help, but I’m sooo honestly scared of leaving, and I can’t keep speaking to my ex but I can’t help it, I know if I don’t leave soon, eventually I will meet my ex and then what will that make me? I just want out 🙁 don’t know why I’ve made this post, suppose I juT wanted to get it off my chest as I can’t speak to a single person I know about this!

[Lisa]

Hi Hope2021

I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry to hear about your situation. What you have described is the cycle of abuse and it can be very confusing when he is being nice, but then it’s only a matter of time before he is abusive again, you deserve so much better.

It’s understandable that you would speak to your ex, as the way your partner is treating you is awful.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support or some help to make a plan, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Take care and keep posting,

Lisa

[Grey Rock]

All of what you wrote sounds so familiar. I could have written it myself in the past.
Please know that most people do go back and forth a number of times. We’re then hooked back in by numerous manipulations, falling for the resurfacing prince / Mr Nice Guy, or threats of suicide scare us, crocodile tears and regrets move us to pity, they develop some newly diagnosed illness, or we just think the stalking and nastiness as their declared enemy will never end so it’s worth a try. I know I was mentally exhausted and second guessed every single decision or thought that went through my head.

The final time I left some things were different.
I had a women’s aid counselor onside
I discovered Dr Ramani and learned from her so I was more prepared for each new attempt at hooking me back in.
I had a room in a place I felt safe.
I had made sure to take everything I needed desperately with me (actually kept most of it at work or a friend’s in the last month as I gradually got it all out as I could sense a blow-up coming – important documents and basics)
I had made sure to change phones and passwords for everything immediately so he couldn’t financially disrupt things.

Not all big things but they worked together to strengthen my resolve.

Could you speak to women’s aid and ask them to help you devise an exit plan?

Sending prayers.
GR

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