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So I am really confused to what I do right now… for my safety and sanity of my mental health I need to proceed forward with some legal stuff to do with my ex boyfriend and an abusive situation I was in with him recently. But now I just completely miss the p***k and I realise I still do truly love him and not all the moments were bad in our relationship.
I found out he’s getting therapy and help for his drugs and alcohol abuse and that he is becoming a better person.
I still need time to make me a better person and cope to move forward with what’s happened but I don’t know what to do…? Drop the legal stuff and just take time out for myself or keep it going and see it through which means he will get a prison sentencing.
Can someone give me some advice please?
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My advice is to definitely keep going with the legal stuff. I believe you will regret it if you drop it now. Loving this man will not stop him from abusing and hurting you or others. Accountability is what I believe is needed to show him he is not entitled to treat you this way. Many people take drugs and drink alcohol and do not abuse their partners. He chose to abuse you. I had the same thoughts in the early days as I was struggling with the same thoughts you’re having. You won’t always feel this way and I know for sure I’d have regretted it forever if I hadn’t taken it all the way as far as I could for justice. The legal process is long so you can heal alongside letting them do their job. You can still concentrate on your recovery and begin therapy and building a good safe life for yourself. Holding him accountable in the justice system empowered me and there’s lots of help from victim support and women’s aid.
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Try to put it to the back of your mind. It’s out of your hands now. Let the legal process take place. It was never the drugs or alcohol that clauses him to abuse you. Many people take drugs and use alcohol but they do not abuse someone they’re supposed to care about. Those are choices he makes.the abuse takes place in secret so he knows exactly what he’s doing. The chooses to do this to you. There’s no love or respect there. You won’t always feel this way so just take baby steps. Many women regret backing off during the legal process as he walks free only to dump them, move on and continue the abuse. Stick to your plan and let the law deal with him. It will get easier and by the time there’s court you will be stronger. There’s also video links too so you don’t even have to be there. Lean on women’s aid and victim support. Witness support at most courts are great too. How dare he x
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Thanks again! I feel that because of lockdown and finding out he’s actually getting the therapy help for himself (for once) it’s just all getting to me. Plus my feelings feel so strong for him too. I will stick to the legal side of it and let the law do it’s work.
Hope I can keep getting stronger by then!! -
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Ok. Here’s how you heal quicker. Tell your friends and family you do not want to hear anything about this man. He means nothing to you. Anything you hear about him will be toxic to your recovery. Unless you’re in imminent danger tell them all not to pass on gossip. Absolutely anything about him is toxic to your recovery. Photos, social media, gossip, etc. Come off social media all together. Change your number too. There will come a day when it’s not so toxic but in the beginning it’s really important not to be triggered. He’s taken up enough of your head space and he’s living there rent free. No more gossips. It’s all about your recovery now x
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Hey!
I’m new here and in a similar situation. My ex partner was remanded after a recent attack on me where I was so scared I finally plucked up the courage and dialled 999. I didn’t believe I was in a domestic abuse relationship as he didn’t batter me up and down the house, so when I heard he was remanded (despite feeling scared he would be released on bail and come after me- which should have told me everything I needed to know) I felt sad and guilty and like it was all my fault.
My ex has written to me and family and before all of this, I would have read his letter and been sad and upset and lapped up everything he was saying because I WANT to believe that the person I love with all of my heart is not the person who he is just now.
But his letters are all about him, poor him, poor life making him be a big bad person, but he’s changed in a matter of weeks, he’s doing “every course possible” to get through it all……i wanted to believe it to start but it’s not. Unfortunately it’s him and him trying to control me. Trying to get into my head. To make me doubt my fears. To make me feel for him. Feel guilty. To be back on his side again.I feel for you I do but please try and be strong. We can do this! x
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I’ve been called so many horrendous names by my ex. Yes he is an ex and he shall remain as the violent, harassing, abusive ex because that is what he is and always will be. I will tell my story when it gets to court and I will speak of the abuse I put up with for so long. He can threaten and harass me all he wants but he is not winning anymore. I am better and stronger than this.
It will take time for me to heal and I accept that. But no one gets away with domestic abuse and violence. And I won’t stand for it any longer.
Much love ladies and I hope you can keep supporting my very messy journey of healing and power xx -
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Found out (detail removed by moderator) that the police are trying to help my ex be a better person. I wanted to laugh at the officer on the phone. He couldn’t be a better person if it slapped him in the face. Lol.
Is it weird that I feel lost without my old friends around me again? That I want and need to speak to them to feel reassured of everything? I don’t even know how to process these feelings right now! Help?
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