so down today

[betterdays]

Going over stuff can’t come to terms with the fact of what hes done and how he’s abandoned his son it’s heartbreaking he’s turned out to be a right monster x

[Anonymous]

Hugs hun . Iam so glad i never had kids to my abuser. Fathers who abandon there own children are monsters hun .. least your son has you hun…..x

[betterdays]

Thanks primbo I’m just so hurtful and depressed how he can abandon him x

[Serenity]

Hi Better Days,

Even though my ex is in contact with my kids, I know it is for his own selfish motives.

Both scenarios are a nightmare.

These abusers aren’t worth having in our children’s lives.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Betterdays, don’t forget about the wide range of emotions that we spoke about that you would feel in the early days post break up. It is normal for you to feel like this now. This is another challenge that has come your way, you will have to find a way out getting your head around this realization. I’m sure that you will in time, look at the changes that you have managed over the past year. The alternative is getting back together with him, just so that he has a relationship with his son and doesn’t abandon him. Don’t forget what his ‘relationship’ with his son was actually like: 1. His son told you his biggest fear was his dad 2. Your ex called his son and his step sons thick retards or words to that affect. They may not show it, but to be called such things will go inside and cause them damage in one way or another 3.His son ever since he was born has had a bullying abusive father 4. (Detail removed by moderator) 5. You were the one who organised good schools for your boys to go to, your ex had no part of it. 6. Your ex showed no interest when your son had to have  (removed by moderator). This is what the ‘relationship’ is, your ex and your son. It is not much of a relationship.

Dear Betterdays, at the moment it is very early days in the big scheme of things, ok you have been away for (removed by moderator) but only recently has he got with someone else. This is a big change between you & him. He won’t be thinking about his son right now (i know, its selfish and out of order), but he is with this woman, god only knows what fun & games are going on in that house, it will be abuse orientated, he is just maneuvering his way through it at the moment, getting his footing. At some point it may be possible for your son to have a relationship with his dad. It might help you to consider though that this may never happen. I know some men who have just abandoned their kids, full stop. I dont think that they have the maturity or ability to cope with a responsible relationship. I think your son needs loads of love right now. X*X

[Healthyarchive]

The more I think about it, there are a lot of men who just abandon their kids, have no contact with them. I think some men would think this is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

My ex was not even there for his own daughter when she needed him .. i tried with her . He said all she was doing is attention seeking i was so worried for her .. but as a step mum i could only do so much . I dread to think what poisoned her mind with about me ..

[Healthyarchive]

My ex poisoned peoples minds about me, it was all pure lies, its so shameful what they do.

[Tuppance]

I’m not very experienced to give proper advice but your child’s father dies
Not deserve you or your son, from what you have said. This is not your fault .

[betterdays]

Thanks everyone I’m just all over the place at minute up and down we have been through a lot this last year. And even getting rejected me and my sons from my own parents who have never accepted there autism x

[Healthyarchive]

Dont forget that you are the good, strong positive influence in your boys lives. X*X

[Lilycat]

Hi Better Days,

It’s utterly shameful how parents abandon their own children. It is a sign of their irresponsibility and lack of care for others. But something from my own experience of my ex not caring about me when his offspring abused me is that he was unable to care and take responsibility, and any caring he did was not love.

Your son is lucky to have your love and that bond is so much more healthy than having to face someone else’s destructive and malign behaviour.

Wishing you strength and peace

Lilycat x

[betterdays]

I would never let this monster back into our life’s not a chance!!!! I’m just stunned to think that he’s fooled us. The lies he’s told. I’m trying to work through it. One thing I have decided is that I’m going to move we need to x

[Healthyarchive]

I think moving would be a very good idea Betterdays, a fresh start for the 4 of you. Sometimes people find it hard to accept something different, i.e your boys autism. They just dont get it, I think sometimes they might be a bit embarrassed. Back in their day people had such disabilities but it was all brushed under the carpet and not talked about, or people got put into asylums. Even further back people got hung if they had mental health problems……….
Your parents I dont think get or understand the autism because it is out of the ordinary in their eyes. But there is no reason why your boys cannot thrive in their school or careers. Workplaces make adjustments for disabilities now. Dont forget the paralympics, all of the athletes are severely disabled. where I work a lot of employees hold good, responsible positions and they have disabilities. Even if your boys dont do this, to live a happy positive life where they feel good and important is preferable to one where they are told they are thick or are bullied. My ex told lies about me, I think it comes as part of the abusive package. XXXXX

[Healthyarchive]

It would be good for you to build a life away from abuse, your family, your ex, any friends who have that.

Just to get yourself out of that environment and start mixing with non abusive people & situations. It doesn’t mean you have to completely get rid of your family & friends, just put a bit more distance between you. X*X

[Author]

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