So hard, complicated and exhausting

[Eve1]

My mum is coming home tomorrow, she is ill and will have lots of nursing care. Growing up, I feel i really only had a proper relationship with her, not Dad and now I feel a need to spend at least a little time with her, not him. While she has been in hospital this has been nearly impossible. Yesterday I was late getting to the hospital and he was there. Every conversation, even questions I put to her, he butted in on and we weren’t able to to have two sentences to each other. I was tired and Mum could see from my expression that I was frustrated with him. At one point, Mum started to say something and he completely talked over her. I signalled him and politely said ‘just a minute, what did you say Mum’ and she said ‘I can’t remember’! This seems such a small thing, but even me saying that is too much for her and after a while she said to me ‘are you going now’. I’ve woken up worrying that even with all the care, there will still be abuse from him. At least I might be able to speak to the staff again. It’s the best I can do, it seems.

Today, I have struggled to get out of bed and just had to write here to try to help myself. I still feel this need to rescue Mum, whilst at the same time having to push down all the bad feelings I have about my Dad, for the sake of keeping the peace, especially now.

I wish I’d realised and been ok with the fact that I am on my own and that’s ok. Just looking after me ( and my children), is fine. I’ve always needed to be like other people or looked at what they were doing, for how to live.

I’m setting up some counselling again. I really feel I need it.

Thank you ladies.

Eve
xx

[Lisa]

Hi Eve,

It must be such a difficult time for you to see your mum poorly and for you to see your dad there all of the time. It is understandable you only want to spend time with your mum. Counselling sounds like a really good idea, it is important to take care of your own wellbeing as well.

I hope it is helping you to offload on here, there will always be support for you. Keep us posted on how you are doing. I hope the transition to home for your mum goes well and the nurses are supportive.

Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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