This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Lostinlife 8 months ago.

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  • #63004
     Lostinlife 
    Participant

    Morning ladies ile try explain as much as I can. I’m unfortunately still with my partner I don’t really know what to do I’m not sure it’s abuse he’s never punched me or slapped me he has pushed me, smashed everything but yesterday when rowing I couldn’t even feel or see any part of the old me that I’m desperate to have back, I baracaded myself in the lounge (detail removed moderator) which made him more angry so he kept kicking the door until the handle broke and I lost it I flew out of the room and tried to hit him and drag him out my property obviously it didn’t work he’s stronger than me and due to fibromyalgia I really hurt myself in the process, I also said something rather nasty and vile after him telling me to go die I said I wish I had the gutes to kill him and the worst part is I meant it obviously I’d never be able to, but just want to make it clear from the start I’m not an angel no one is. Back in (detail removed moderator) my partner was arrested for assault and criminal damage for smashing up my entire room (detail removed moderator) which I was so upset about at the time coz it took a lot for me to tell the police some of the things he’s done the main thing that really got to me was I told them how paranoid he was and that on more than one occasion he had forced his finger inside me to see if I was hiding something (that’s not happened again since that was (detail removed moderator)), I felt dirty and disgusting and ashamed telling a male police officer that and they did nothing. Anyway fast forward a bit after he went to the GP for help stupid me got back with him and we moved (detail removed moderator) miles away big mistake! But me and my son did love it here with or without him he changed for a while then the constant accusations started again, looking through my phone, literally analysing everything to find any tiny little detail he could make my life hell about. If I go see family (detail removed moderator) miles away he harrases me none stop and if I get fed up and turn my phone off ect he then threatens to harass my family or does indeed actually ring my friends and family off private number literally all through the night! I can’t stay away from him coz he makes it so hard he will do anything to get what he wants. (Court detail removed by moderator). So now my partner has gone back to the vile man he was before he tells me my son is better off without me and he will make sure I never get him back and if I call the police or kick him out he will make my life a life a living hell, I’m lazy c**t sitting on my arse conning the government for hand outs( I get disability benefit) but when I did work before he made it so difficult if I was even a few minutes later than I said or I didn’t answer my phone he would ring way over 100 times and then start ringing my family or friends until I gave up and answered. I’m not really sure what I’m asking here I’m new to this I no from the website refuge is an option but would my son be able to stay there with me every other weekend or would I be able to stay with my mum for them weekends, what happens with my flat it’s in my name only but if I give it up I won’t get rehoused by council, my family, friends and now my son live (detail removed moderator) miles away I literally have no one here but him could I leave my flat here and get into a refuge there? I don’t know but all I no is I no longer have my son living with me and I’m really struggling to cope I don’t feel good enough as a mum or partner anymore without my son I have nothing to keep me going I have thought about ending my life so many times it scares me but the only reason I wouldn’t do it is coz of the most beautiful picture of my son on my phone wallpaper, I no my son is physically safe with his dad it’s the mental and emotional part im really concerned about I no my son’s dad he’s heartless, cold and completely emotionless he shows no love or affection to our son I sit here at night wondering if my son is feeling lonely coz I no he won’t get the love and attention he does with me there his dad runs everything like a millitary operation. I’m currently sat in my trashed flat wondering what the hell I can do to get out of this situation I can’t go anywhere and leave him here he’s not on the tenancy and I’m worried that he would destroy the property and I would get in trouble for it. I’m thinking now just pack a bag and walk as far as I can (detail removed moderator) nothing I can think of is practical I just want out and away from it I’m so desperate to be the old me again and enjoy life is it possible? Or is this it now I’ve just got to suck it up and stop being such a drama queen. Sorry I’ve rambled it probably doesn’t make any sense but any advice or even a success story from anyone been where I am? Am I in an abusive relationship or is this normal? Do all couples fight like this? Am I just being a drama queen and need to chill out and get on with it?

  • #63005
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He has no rights to live there is he’s not on the tenancy. You can change the locks and dump his belongings at a mutual friend. Ring the police if he tries to return to the property. abusers destroy our lives. They thrive on making us feel bad about ourselves, it makes them feel big. Contact your local women’s aid for support. You’re still stuck in the fog of abuse. The Fear Obligation and Guilt. It’s heartbreaking that your son has to be with your ex (detail removed by moderator). Going forward you need support from women’s aid, ring the helpline number on here. They can advise you on your rights and how to get rid of your abuser safely and get your son back. Abuse always gets worse and you need to take all the help available to get rid of him x

  • #63016
     Lostinlife 
    Participant

    He may not have a right to stay but unfortunately I’ve been here before police let him go after a few hours and he continues to make my life hell and harass my family. Ile never understand how these vile people want to live like this. As for cafcass they only got involved as me and my ex were going through family court no involvement from social services even tho I asked for help from them, my partner knows what he is doing when he’s doing it as he has never kicked off or started on my in front of my son or anyone for that matter he wants everyone to think he’s this amazing saint and we have a happy life but I’m far from happy and you only have to look at me to see that right now. (Court detail removed by moderator). I’ve tried calling the helpline a few times no luck as of yet but it took me a while last time I called so I will keep trying. Has anyone been in a similar situation before? Has anyone left and gone on to be happy? Is this even abuse? My head feels like a scrabble board right now. I feel like a fraud being on here and ringing the helpline as he doesn’t beat me but reading what some of you have been through you truly deserve a medal. ❤

  • #63017
     KIP. 
    Participant

    My ex didn’t beat me physically until the end but my mental health took a huge beating. I was at trauma counselling recently and trauma often shows itself in physical illness with victims. From panic attacks to fibromyalgia ME thyroid and hormonal problems. So the long term effect physically can be horrendous. Do not underestimate your situation. You sound like an abuse victim to me. My ex was so cunning and manipulative. He eroded my self esteem and self confidence. I can’t believe now I ever doubted I could be happy without him. Life is great for me. I still deal with the trauma I’m left with but it gets less and less the longer I’m away from him. I changed the locks on my ex and rang the police many times. I reported ever incident and never backed down. It takes tenacity. These men have stamina but so do we. You are in a strong position. You can also drop in to your local women’s aid. You deserve to be happy. It feels like you have minimised his behaviour which is what victims do. Trashing an entire room is terrifying Criminal and unacceptable. Have you tried keeping a secret journal. I recorded my ex assaulting me as I was convinced no one would believe me. In the end I could have just walked out the door but because of the abuse that just wasn’t an option. I was so scared.

  • #63044
     Lostinlife 
    Participant

    The question of abuse has always been in back of my head im always questioning myself, not understanding how others can see it and I can’t, but since your message I have applied to the council near my family, I packed a case got on the train to a friend’s which while I’m there I will be visiting the council to provide more paper work ect get things moving a bit and i have also told him I will be back next week and be needs to have left by then with everything he owns in the property or I will call the police and go to court for restraining order. I doubt you realised what your message would do so I needed to let you know that your message was a slap in the face but a slap in the face I needed as silly as it sounds after reading your message over and over I felt stronger that I’ve felt in a long time and got up and told myself I can do this. I don’t doubt it won’t be easy but then nothing worth it ever is right?. I wanted you to know your experience of abuse and your message has helped someone ❤ thank you so much and I hope your messages give others the strength they gave me ❤

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