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    • #125472
      Pea2020
      Participant

      I have been thinking.

      If and when I have a new partner, who is serious and I want to meet the kids, how am I meant to tell my ex?

      My ex is being so civil at the moment. His civility could last a long time. But deep down I think my gut is telling me that a new partner would be the thing that would potentially make him snap.

      But I wouldn’t be able to have a new partner involved, without letting him know, right?

      Those of you who have been in this kind of situation, what did you do?

    • #125473
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s none of your ex partners business and if you have a new partner you don’t have to tell them anything about the abuse. It’s your decision. I wouldn’t tell a new partner until it was really necessary or serious. Even then I’m at a stage now where my abusive past doesn’t enter into conversation. It’s nobody’s business x

      • #125478
        Pea2020
        Participant

        So even if we share kids, I don’t have to tell him? Xx

    • #125475
      KIP.
      Participant

      It feels like a huge part of your life. That’s because being abused makes our world small and the abuse huge but it really isn’t. The more you’re free from abuse, the more the world opens up to you x

    • #125484
      KIP.
      Participant

      No. You are fleeing abuse. Talk to your local women’s aid. They can help you and advise you further. Telling him is dangerous. Get yourself and the kids safe. Many women and children flee to a refuge where their partners don’t know the location. Once you’re all out and safe you can deal with things. By telling him you’re forewarning him and giving him the opportunity to prevent you. Make sure you’re the primary carer so talk to a solicitor about this. Most offer free initial advice.

    • #125485
      KIP.
      Participant

      There’s a national domestic abuse helpline too that can give you more information. Rights of Women have a free legal helpline too.

    • #125507
      Pea2020
      Participant

      Ok thank you, I had to move into a rented place in the end, for a variety of reasons.

      I contacted the national DA helpline like you suggested and they also said that I wouldn’t need to tell him.

      Thank you for your advice today. Xx

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