30th March 2016 at 9:42 pm #12562
I have a preference for a certain music type and the ex abuser was into this music too. The events are always in the same locations and the people there remain mainly the same over the years. I begin to miss going to these events.
I never got close to any of the people whom he knows and they have probably already forgotten how I look anyway.
My fear is that he might turn up at the same event that I choose. The entrance fee is usually very low and affordable for everybody.
It really annoys me that I cannot move around freely anymore. He used to smuggle a knife into these places. Security never found it. The thought of it freaks me out and deters me from even thinking of buying a ticket.
What shall I do?
I thought of buying a wig and putting lots of make up on. Maybe he might not recognize me if he happens to turn up there too? He could also not turn up. Not sure what to do.
30th March 2016 at 9:58 pm #12563KIP.Participant
Hi there, how about booking a weekend away and go to listen to your music as far away as possible. Even combine it in a longer holiday.
30th March 2016 at 11:02 pm #12566
Yes, I thought about this. This music is only in certain areas and it is well established there. Or I have to travel far away. This would mean I can only attend on rare occasions. Maybe I need to move to a further away city where this music is on all the time.
31st March 2016 at 10:57 am #12581LittleBritishPhoenixParticipant
I would actually recommend finding it in a different place and booking like a mini-holiday/weekend away where you can let your hair down and enjoy yourself…
I’ve faced this same problem and went to see a band my ex and I both loved, I went with a relative and her friend. My ex didn’t come luckily, but I spent the whole night watching the door and not really enjoying the gig, just waiting for him to turn up.
Have also tried disguising myself with wigs, big glasses and different make-up but I find you’re recognisable by your body language anyway? My ex disguised himself a few times to hang around the town while I was in the refuge and it really confused me, I thought it was a doppleganger or something but all the mannerisms were exactly the same, down the way he held a cigarette and how he walked, sat, held a drink, everything. I only realised it was even him when I saw him again and he looked me right in the eye – no mistaking those evil eyes!My point being – it’s the subconscious things about you that make you you?
If you feel you could move away and start afresh somewhere else then why not look into that? I’d say to fully research the place first and see what’s there that you could do aside from the good music if that makes sense?
31st March 2016 at 1:34 pm #12598godschildParticipant
Ayanna, I would not risk going to a place that he may be at. If he carries a knife it is dangerous and all that you hadvedoen in getting aay and him not knowing where you are could be ruined if he finds out, he will make you life a misery and imagine the fear if he traced you.
It utterly unfair and unjust that this is the situation but I dont’ feel it is in your best interest to go to this place with how dangerous he is.
1st April 2016 at 12:08 am #12629
Thank you for your replies. I am going to check places out that are further away. The risk is too big. I rather book a B&B and spend a bit more money and I am safe.
I avoid all the areas where I know he could go. That includes shopping centres and markets that I love, parks and festivals, ….
I live in a different area where he would never come to without a reason. I am nevertheless scared that he found out my address. A few weeks ago I saw him on a bike in my area. I can only hope he did not see me. I was freaked out.
Is it not ridiculous how these men narrow our opportunities of having fun in life?
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