(detail removed) appointment

[cupcakes]

Well I am seeing (detail removed by Moderator) to get some advice. I am so scared as it makes everything seem so real I still don’t think I can go through with ending things. Have no idea what to say. If I call WM line will I get a support worker too I don’t think I have the strength to do this alone.

[Alicenotichains]

I tried to leave my ex last year with no support and I found it so hard that I went back. This time I went to my GP and started the ball rolling, i am now in touch with a counsellor, my local domestic violence outreach workers, social services, the survivors forum, I have phoned the helpline also. I am going to start going to a drop in coffee morning for abuse survivors- I am just taking whatever help I can from wherever i can find it.
You can do this, but with the right support it is so much easier. Leaving a relationship like this is a process and I would advise reaching out for support. Even considering leaving is a brave first step. Abuse can escalate when the abusers feels like they have lost control so perhaps get all the support in place before you tell him and work out the safest way to leave.
You may find that once you start talking about your experiences that you realise how bad things have got for you. It is very validating when other people confirm that it is abuse and that it’s not acceptable. Abusive behaviour can become the norm and once you start telling others the truth you can see what an awful ordeal you have been subjected too.

You are being very brave making these first steps. Xx

[cupcakes]

Hi glad you are getting all the support you need to leave. I know I can’t do it without support I’m too weak and he has stripped me from my confidence and self esteem. I am scared too for the children but my main concern is is he is so manipulative and denies the stuff he has done and says I’m making it up. He also says I’m the controlling one and abuse him. I seriously don’t I’ve just pulled back from the relationship because of all the hurt his caused he doesn’t recognise what his done his never said sorry not once ever

[KIP.]

Hey cupcakes, my ex said the same thing about how I was abusive. When asked to explain further, he said because on many occasions I asked him to leave. He thought this was abuse. This was because he was raping me and trapping me in rooms etc. When you strip away the bully boy tactics, they are pathetic liars. Go to (detail removed by Moderator) for free initial advice. Tell yourself it’s not committing to anything, it’s just gathering information to make an informed decision. The first thing you need to accept is that everything he says in a lie until you have proof from a professional. Ie a solicitor, women’s aid worker, doctor etc. Start with a clean she of paper and get advice where you need it. I recorded the final assault so if you can do so safely you might want to consider a recording app for your phone etc. Meantime, secretly keep a journal which can be used as evidence.

[cupcakes]

Thanks Kip I feel sick at the moment can’t sleep and so exhausted trying to act normal as possible. I have cried a lot this weekend as I just feel sad and worried about the future. He said I’m controlling as I make all the decisions but it’s only because I am organised and when working with two small children its just organising not controlling. He said I’m holding back on love and that’s abuse but how can I love someone who has no respect for me and treats me badly.

[KIP.]

Hey, I can see from your post you’re making the mistake I made in the beginning. ‘He said, he said’. It should be of no relevance what he said. You are your own person, capable of your own decisions. Whatever he said. Your first thought should be what you want. I believed what he said for a long time afterwards. Huge mistake. Ignore what he said, it’s all lies and manipulation anyway. We are so conditioned to hanging on their every word to try to avoid another distressing outburst. They are skilled liars and they will go straight for your weak spot. Unfortunately, we confided our worst fears in these men because we thought they were trustworthy partners. Now they will use that against you. But it works both ways!

[cupcakes]

Thank you I hadn’t even realised what I was doing I have forgotten the person I used to be.. I am just someone living in fear of doing something wrong and constantly trying to avoid him having a go at me for something

[Author]

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