13th December 2020 at 7:33 pm #117732AnonymousInactive
I experienced mostly verbal and sometimes physical abuse from my son from when he was (detail removed by moderator). I was a single parent with no friends or anyone to ask about his behaviour. By the time l realised that he was abusive l was too scared to do anything.l was also suffering with anxiety and depression l didn’t tell them at the hospital at first l was too embarrassed. When l did tell them they just said stand up to him your his mother.
When I went to a refuge l felt the other women judged me as a bad mother though no-one said anything. He left home and move to (detail removed by moderator) but used to come back and visit. Then in (detail removed by moderator) he moved to another country. He got married suffered abuse himself and came home. His experience did not soften his behaviour to me. He stayed (detail removed by moderator) and was abusive before going back to his partner. I had the locks changed and email ed him to say he could not come back again. I was very scared doing that l had no support from anyone after. In my opinion this is an area of abuse that is ignored even by those who support abused worn.
13th December 2020 at 7:46 pm #117734EggshellsParticipant
To be honest, you’re not the first Mum to come on here because you have not found the support you need. You are right, it is an area that is depressingly overlooked. It is a whole other ball game when your child is abusive and I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be to have to let go of your son like that. It is an entirely different bond that we have with our children and utterly heartbreaking to have to cut those ties. My heart goes out to you.
There are other women on here who have experienced abuse from their children; hopefully, they will be along soon to help you on your journey.
3rd January 2021 at 9:08 pm #119039Nelly123Participant
I am going through the same thing
My son is (detail removed by Moderator)
And life is unbearable in my home
But as he is a minor I cannot get any help whatsoever
I am at my wits end
If he was my partner I could seek refuge but because he is (detail removed by Moderator) he has all the rights
4th January 2021 at 10:11 am #119068hopParticipant
My son’s only young and he’s been abusing me. Violence, psychologically….by the looks of it I’m really lucky. Someone from his school saw him hit me and he made an adult at the school cry. The whole thing got escalated and they told me I was being abused by him. It really felt like full on abuse from a little boy and it was making me deranged. A little while ago it got too much to cope with and I went to a&e. I had no idea what to do and it’s shameful to admit I told them I wanted them to take the kids away from me because I didn’t want them any more. We had a family support worker already but then they called social services for me (not the children) to help build me back up. I’m an absolute mess but this social worker is here for me so I can be string enough for the kids. As for the boy Barbados are doing a programme for his self esteem and there’s something called leapfrog for children from abusive homes that he’s waiting to start. It’s scary admitting it…..I feel like it’s me that’s made it happen because I was so scared of it happening. If your children are older I don’t know what to say. The main thing I’m doing is building myself up and the social worker is getting people I know to help me too. Sending big love x
18th February 2021 at 9:01 am #121896sweet4Participant
My daughter beat me up (detail removed by moderator).
The one who still lives here, its emotional and controlling abuse, i am trying to get her out of here and her dad.My heart is completely broken, i brought 4 kids into this world, with nothing but love and gave them my all. To be treated like this, its shocking, i dont know how they changed so much.
18th February 2021 at 9:07 am #121898KIP.Participant
They changed so much because they learned from an abuser. Abusers don’t care about anyone but themselves. Children are just a tool to use. Abusers have zero empathy. It’s easy for a child to follow the example of a father. We learn from those around us and sometimes it’s easier to side with the abuser as it feels the safest thing to do x controversial as this may sound I also think there is a genetic component here. A ‘bad gene’ that gets passed down x I’m not saying it’s hopeless but it’s an uphill battle and you can’t fight that battle when you’re outnumbered and wounded yourself x
18th February 2021 at 4:09 pm #121920Butterfly12Participant
My husband and had trouble with our son from an early age. We took him to a child psychiatrist when he was (detail removed by moderator) because all the behavioural managment tactics we tried failed. He was later diagnosed with ADHD (detail removed by moderator). I would like to say that I never had any problems at all with my eldest child.
His aggression and unreasonable behaviour carried on through school and college and by then he was well known to the police for getting into trouble. He was always a cruel child and things got worse when he became an adult he was never happy with what he had and always wanted more. Because he had an interest in (detail removed by moderator).
This behaviour went on well into (detail removed by moderator) but we still let him live at home despite the fact that he could not seem to hold down a job and relied on us financially whenever he lost one.
Over the years we got used to his tantrums and selfish behaviour once he learned to drive it was a nightmare he used to have road rage all the time and often ended up (detail removed by moderator). I appealed to (detail removed by moderator) and was told that unless he asked for help we could not force it on him.
Our lovely daughter walked out when she was (detail removed by moderator). She left that night with nowhere to go and never set foot in the house again.
My lovely husband of (detail removed by moderator) died in (detail removed by moderator) and that was when the real trouble began.
My son became very controlling over everything I did and tried to put it down to him losing his dad but I soon realised I had real problems when he called me whenever I went anywhere and demanded I come back because he wanted to talk to me If I refused he used to start smashing things up in the house so I would give into him
Things came to a head on (detail removed by moderator) when he raised his hand to me and I told him to get out of my house and never come back. My daughter was so worried for my safety she asked me to come to her house while he moved out. (Detail removed by moderator) I went back to my property and found that not only had he vandalised it he had also stolen my beloved (detail removed by moderator).
I finally went to the police and he was charged with criminal damage and theft.
Because of Covid 19 the case never went to court but he was given (detail removed by moderator) retraining order.
I still fighting through the civil courts to get my property back. At no time has he ever apologised for his behaviour and has (detail removed by moderator).
I have now had to make the heart breaking decision to cut him out of my life for good. I love him so much because I am his mum but just cant take any more upset in my life.
I feel very alone because most domestic abuse cases are from partners and wondered if anyone else has been in my situation
18th February 2021 at 5:28 pm #121923[email protected]Participant
This is domestic abuse the kind that is very much a taboo subject. We all want to be the good mum bit what do we do when our oh has a real influence over our children? What then
I wish I had know all of this as I would have gotten out much sooner than I did. In research it shows that kids mould themselves on their main role models. Namely mum and dad. Unfortunately when they see mum being victimised by him that’s exactly who we become to them. They may not always see an abuser for what he is. It’s easier to identify with the aggressor because there is less wrath that way. Kids learn to survive by Instinct. They quickly learn that bully gets them exactly what they want. It is so sad that dv devastates families. This firm creeps up tho just when we’re not looking because we’re so busy dealing with an abuser xx it should be highlighted not brushed under the carpet xx the only help for this o know of is barnardos
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