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    • #104195
      purpleunicorn20
      Participant

      Well, where do i even begin. So i have been with my other half since we were young, almost (detail removed by moderator) now and i am starting to worry that things are not right. The (detail removed by moderator) or so was amazing but ever since then things kinda changed. Something which i am only just realsing now, but if i look back i can see a sense of things that weren’t okay. My friends and parents have mentioned in the past that he may be emotionally abusive but i have always just ignored it. But now i’m starting to wonder if they are right.

      It’s small things like he will loss his temper over the tinest things and blame it on me. A (detail removed by moderator) he couldn’t find his (detail removed by moderator) and blamed it on me because i had tidyed our room. This resulted in his calling me a (detail removed by moderator) c**t several times over the next few hours and told i make everyones life hell. If i ask to spend more time together (because he is always on his game), i get told i am controlling for not giving him space and because of that i make him never want to spend time with me. Which is why he says he is always on his game. In the past when we didn’t live together he would ignore me for hours or sometimes days if we disagreed on something, and has even broke up with me about (detail removed by moderator) times but always comes back.

      I have done sooo much reading up on this and everything i read suggests that he is but somehow i am still finding it hard to accept. Especially when things are actually great and he is really loving (like the past few days). I just love him so much. I think i see other peoples stories and just think that what i am going through is not that bad. He has never hurt me physically or tried to directly control what i’ve done. I always have been a very sensitive person anyways so i worry that maybe i am just overthinking things. And when i see things that match him maybe i am being dramatic? I dunno…

      I just felt i would put something up on here to see what you all think? I would appreciate any opinions and advice so much! I have been meaning to do it for a while, but finally took the courage today.

       

    • #104198
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey welcome and well done for reaching out. Huge red flag that your family have mentioned abuse. Yes he’s abusing you. Name calling is abuse. Gaslighting you about him playing his game and turning the tables on you. Breaking up with you to cause you pain and make you feel insecure. All abuser tactics. The part about the first year being great. Then it all changing. That’s what abusers do when you’re hooked into the relationship. Google the cycle of abuse. Google gaslighting. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. It is beyond devastating to realise that the person we love most is actually deliberately trying to destroy us. The one person we love most and we believe loves us back is not who we think they are. The brain doesn’t want to accept that, it’s called cognitive dissonance. Sadly, abuse always gets worse. It’s insidious, creeping up on us, becoming our normal. We are always chasing our tail trying to find that amazing man we met in the beginning but he doesn’t exist, he was created to hook you into the relationship then you get to see the real him. Abuse often escalates after a commitment like moving in together, marriage, children etc. Try ringing the national domestic abuse helpline and chat to one of the wonderful ladies there x

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